Can we have unprotected sex soon?
Don't quote me on that, I'm a walking boner
it was almost as awkward as hearing my parents on friday nights in 2 in the morning starting, and than hearing at 2:01 my dad getting up and my mom going "i should have married a man"
I hate myself for saying your mom and I have the same friday nights.
don't worry... so do I
you should have heard her the other night. no sentence related to one preceding it. it was like she was in etch a sketch and when she moved she forgot everythin
they said they heard you say put it in my butt
I just broke a sweat shaving my own vagina. Something has got to change.
I just tried to text you by typing "whoa" into my contacts.
It's either my own vomit or popcorn butter in my ear right now. Banking on the second one.
We made popcorn last night. So it's both
Whatever. That's why I am to be babied like a calf. I regret nothing.
The plane down was full of newly weds and I counted 5 pairs of mile high club members. Actually, one might have been a group membership discount.
Well I woke up at my house so that's a plus. But I'm pretty sure I peed on my sofa because I woke up in the pee position.
I met her parents last night. Her dad smelled like weed and kept yelling "I HAVE ALLERGIES AHHH MY EYES ARE BURNING!" During dinner It had to be good weed he didn't even know he was yelling.
I think I might start referring to your vagina as a separate being now
Guy just walked in with a 40 and a Honda steering wheel. Where the fuck am I?
yeah we're all naked, and I think we just shaved Chad.
Being single again makes you realize how guys can go from licking your asshole one night to never texting you again
Randomize
