Dude, this old lady messaged me on Facebook talking about her grandson and wanted to know shit about me. I'd almost call her a cougar except she looks like mashed potatoes that have come alive.
We've finally come to the understanding that as long as our conversation stays stricaly sexual, we get along.
Ohh god. I'm so nervous. This is terrible. He just introduced me as "the best girlfriend of his life" and Jenny as his "sexual roomate"
Lets just not get arrested. That might put a damper on everything. I only say that cause i've almost been arrested.
A guy just washed his hands in the toilet. No joke
After she saw a msg in his phone from me that listed the reasons why I love his cock, I don't think I can deny fucking her ex.
I noticed a trail of vomit coming up the drive way. You must be home
What we have is to special to throw away over a woman who spreads her butt cheeks on a pool table for me...
I can't get over how you look like his sister and he wants to fuck you.
Let us ponder on the good times. Ya know when the Jonas brothers were incapable of growing facial hair and I didn't fully understand what a dick looks like
It can't be easy when an alcoholic Russian is screaming to the entire dorm "he no get hard"
And he's back on taking these stupid testosterone supplements to kickstart him back into working out. And they just make him angry and horny all the time. I'm like great, just in time to meet my whole family for Christmas.
I'm trying to blow this guy down here can you please get my husband out of the house.
What's that? Is there a bottle of Jack calling me? I think so...
Sober sex is weird like I didn't expect this when I got clean
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