and my herpes radar will keep us safe
were you wearing a green and blue thong last night?
yes! wait why?
because i found it in my pocket this morning...
its like fishing. just send her some cock shots to keep her on the hook then use tequila to reel her in
Have invented new cocktail. Any flavor of crystal light and vodka. I call it "I am going to die alone"
well what is some mechanical horse racing with out blow involved
You know it was a good weekend when; you leave a bi-lingual letter of apology on top of a stack of cash for hotel housekeeping.
But hes like a baby bird with a broken wing that i want to FUCK.
six ambien and a bong later...he was calling me blueberry princess who need rescuing from the evil oven, and he was sir Eatsalot.
i took a picture of my dick. with a stick figure drawn on it. and a paper hat taped to the tip. and i call i the mayor of Dickville
Where can I buy a stripper pole at midnight on a Sunday?
No seriously you guys are gonna get arrested
Do me a favor I want you to reach down the front of your pants and underwear and just feel around for a while... if you happen to find your balls then join us
I have so many feelings about this burrito
tbh I think I just dated him for his dogs in the first place.
He's good looking but he really sounds like kermit the frog, can you imagine how fucking him would sound like?
my vagina can't handle any more of our 4 day long smash bash. it should be like a holiday or something. should only happen once a year.
Randomize
