I think it's just because she's got "I'll sleep with anyone with a decent car" written all over her face.
He has jerked off in so many socks I am surprised he doesn't have athletes dick
sitting in class between the roommates of the two girls i fucked over break. this feels like a bad version of wife swap
I'm in the liquor aisle and a 10 yr old boy yells, "My favorite beer is Corona! Daddy remember when you gave me some on our camping trip?"
sorry i was making out with matt didn't mean for it to sound like that. there was no tone
there should be a new saying, don't text and tongue
She sucks enough dick that I could make her mouth a legitimate Yelp location.
Ever had someone sing happy birthday to you during sex?
"Local woman assaults strangers with sex toy" is a headline I never want to be about me.
Seriously. If I'd known all it took was a 29 year old UPS guy to make me feel THIS SEXY, I'd have been fucking them for 30 years.
But I did discover that he's totally okay with going down on me while I eat taco bell so that's a plus, right?
At one point my little brother was Rocky Balboa'd by a stripper's tit
long story short, the bouquet was used as a sacrificial torch
I wish I could say this wasn't the first time I shit myself in a Piggly Wiggly.
Also I like oatmeal more than sex.
Got so drunk I broke my sink in half. Not. Lying.
Randomize
