your head's too prwtty to be stuck in the books
my professor just told me i smelt like a brewery infront of my whole class b4 my final presentation
Every now and then I'll talk to a creeper for an extended amount of time. Randy, for instance, funded our entire night of horrible decisions.
As long as there aren't any pictures of me humping the penguin, we are good,
If your wondering where your blanket is, I put it on the 2 guys you brought home last night. Their still sleeping outside on the trampoline.
You drank everything last night. It was like this huge deconstructed long island that went on for 5 hours
Protocol on turning down a date from someone in the House of Representatives?
I think they were cool with it, they should have know if I was the host of the baby shower it was going to involve a keg and jager shots.
The chick working the drive through at BK on New Years stuck her head out the window and told me there were no line ups for the bathrooms inside so i should go in there. I just kept squatting and peeing and told her it would prob help business.
I'm wearing a dinosaur hat bikini cone bra over my shirt. So good things are happening
Yeah. It's just like I have his virginity and he has my shoes and where do we go from here.
So i know i said I'm turning over a new leaf, but i met a guy with a dick piercing. I have to sleep with him. For science.
You realized your blanket was a snuggie, spread your arms, and yelled "tonight I sleep like jesus!"
just showered sitting down cuz standing seemed like too much work, thursdays need to stop making me their bitch.
Did you guys just have three hour sex? You both stopped and restarted texting me at the same time
If I were to say yes, would we still be friends?
Randomize
