So now everyone thinks I don't know what a condom is
There is a reason Crest White Strips don't list masturbation as one of the myriad of activities to do while whitening your teeth. A very good reason.
So there is a chick dressed up in a vagina costume handing out free condoms next to the dude handing out free Bibles and preaching about sin. I love college.
I saw Winona at my church today. She has boobs, now.
Miracles do happen.
He was taking the caps off the vodka bottles and throwing them out the window so we'd have to finish them. Engineers have the best logic.
You kept trying to hail an ambulance
you kept going on about how you couldnt haven been the one throwing up because you were peeing in circles.
as I was walking out the door her and her roommate started singing "toot it and boot it".. I'm in love
I knew we would be good together when you made me lick jameson off your boob while you screamed along with racks on racks
Using the balance in my bank account I just calculated how many fifths of vodka I can buy this year. Don't let me buy food, all my money is reserved for alcohol
Rainbow fish was a wild success, got wasted at 6 gave away most my scales and made out with max from where the wild things are.You'd be so proud
you know, i'm always afraid you're going to think i only want you for sex because i only text you when i'm horny
speaking of, guess what i'm thinking about
Hey. You dropped and smashed your road beer in my store last night. Again. And this time you didn't even order anything. You just walked in, yelled "SWEDISH STYLE!" Then lost your beer, looked depressed, and left.
My fuck buddy and I talked about Amelia Bedilia for ten minutes before having sex. I think I'm in love.
She swallowed the car key because she thought we were really going to make her drive.
Randomize
