Can we have unprotected sex soon?
Don't quote me on that, I'm a walking boner
life is too short to starve
life is also too short to be fat
my roommate just said, "don't look at it, just put it iin your mouth"
So Ive decided I have serious issues. Im walking around the school with a bag labeled booze money collecting from people while slightly hungover at 8:20 in the morning, and nobody is questioning me.
stayed up to watch the sunrise..saw an albino taking shots on the quad..it's like there's a whole new world of people out there just waiting to meet us
He hid IN a snowbank for 2 hours waiting for me to come home. This game has to stop before someone dies.
uhh when the x-ray tec was moving your head you licked his hand and meowed.. i think he knew you weren't sober
The air was thick with penises
Welp just pooped in a garbage can. Guess I'm not better than you at life in any aspect.
I wanted to make fun of someone saying that to an untrained ear, skrillex is blah blah blah. But it was too soon after they said it. And now I can't find it. These are real problems.
I can already feel the hangover I'll be having on New Year's Day. I don't know if I'm prepared for this.
I did just chug a pint glass of wine during a solid round of masterbation, so I believe I am ready for bingo.
This week I fucked a police officer and called both the Senators from the state I'm in and the one I'm moving to. What have you done since the election?
I'm going to talk him into letting me tie him up, and then just leave him that way and go meet you for fro-yo.
You couldn’t remember the word hand jibber. Instead, your drunk ass offered the bartenders “unlimited hand fritters” if they wouldn’t cut you off.
Randomize
