Oh My! A car just drove by me a splashed me with a wave of water. I am drenched and soaking wet!
I am sorry--all I heard is that you are wet.
the people going to church this morning while i was walking home did not seem as pleased as i was with how many beads i earned last night
I have 20 seconds to get my life together and look presentable.
i feel like the 7 eleven by your house knows our deepest, darkest secrets
And the funny thing is when I went to the kitchen this morning, all 4 pizzas were still there in their boxes, untouched. My question to you is: what were we eating last night?
She can't meet us until 830...there's no hope for our sobriety at that hour
if all that ever happens for the rest of forever is drinking wine and eating popcorn, ill be okay
Bitch, he is not your friend and this is not Bravo. Get in this car before you get smacked
I climbed out a window to pee last night because i thought i was locked in the room... Then crawled back in and went to bed. The poor neighbors.
Just participated in the saddest thing: Cheetos. Handjob. I have lost at life
wow, being home for Xmas is freaking weird on tinder. I went to high school with everyone I'm matching... The fact that this many jocks like me now is a huge ego boost from my lack of glory days.
...and I'm done. I just matched two boys I used to babysit without realizing it.
Oh my god I would go to planned parenthood the same day I get my nipples pierced
He was lasting forever and I couldn't take it so I faked an asthma attack
Topless Tuesday? One of us will be really happy the other not so much.
Yay I only have ONE giant mystery bruise from yesterday
Randomize
