A small cock is a small cock, don't blame the size of my hands
In attempts to Not be THAT GIRL in front of my new crush I will only drink a 12 pack instead of my normal case.
Washing the last semen-stained shirt you have really solidifies a breakup. It just got real.
My mom would probably be ok with my lifestyle as long as she doesn't see that photo of me doing bong rips in a Jesus costume.
That's cool. At least the punch line of my story isn't I shit in a booth at Denny's.
you want a dog just so you can strap a barrel of hot chocolate around its neck?
Please tell me last night did not happen and there is another reason why my phone smells like ranch sauce ahahah
Look,the guy had sex w/a Canadian prison guard on the deck of a cruise ship,he could blow any second.
Well I can't be held accountable to know every which time you slid a finger here or slid a finger there. I'm way too busy getting close to climaxing to document these things.
I curse you to think about Guy Fieri whenever you have sex with your lady.
Ain't no cockblock like hearing the word"HOOODOOORR!" shouted from the bedroom floor while in the middle of sex.
Masterbating to Tolstoy. You?
One of my pillows is missing but it's cool because there is a beef stick.
You were supposed to catch herpes, not feelings!!!
We were literally making dick jokes with his dick out
That’s the level of friends with benefits I aspire to achieve
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