Ok pretty sure I just saw Mike O'Malley walking through the parking lot. I wanted to see if I followed him, would he lead me to the acro-criag, i've always wanted a crack at that bitch.
I've been reduced to Capt. Morgan and Golden Girls reruns. Ugh.
I decided you couldn't drive after you asked where the time circuits were on your Altima
I wanted to see November 5, 1985
Don't ever tell me I'm a bad friend. I woke up at 7 this morning to drive your mistake home because you wouldn't get up.
remind to leave next time the words "tequila" and "challenge" are shouted
id say I'm a pretty good fuck buddy, i didn't even booty call him on his girlfriends birthday
I think I just wrote a poem about your penis but it was totally unintentional.
I AM NOT THE MAN IN THIS RELATIONSHIP.
It's shit like this that makes people think we're gay.
But on the plus side, what he lacked in size he made up for with speed. And grunting.
He's pretending to be my boyfriend so that my family won't bother us when we sneak off to smoke weed
You gave me a bottle of tequila and introduced me to a ginger named cowboy. I actually love you.
When Ben was deep throating pickles last night I actually reconsidered our relationship
She's nice. But even when I am with her I am thinking of her mom, literally the hottest woman on earth.
Listen, i know this is weird for you, but as your fuck buddy, id prefer if you didnt fuck her.
Youre asking too much from me
Ever look at an ex and wonder...was I drunk that entire relationship??
Yes, yes I do.
Randomize
