I walked out of the bathroom and both of you girls were giving the gay guy head. I was like, "laaaterrr."
he just asked if i would like him to change his diet so his jizz tastes better. keeper? i think so.
I have decided that a Nickelback cover band would be the pinnacle of loserdom.
She made out with me for a free sandwich. What makes you think she is NOT up to my standards?
the cops didn't wanna shut the tailgate down but the strippers weren't allowed to take money without a license or somthing
i woke up to the sound of my roommate climbing onto my desk mumbling that she was going to bed
she said i was like a little lamb and she felt bad for luring me into her den of sin. then she blew me.
Being a virgin isn't supposed to be this easy for you.
In the wise words of Scar: "be prepared."
Do you think Scar was a Boy Scout?
Sarah's knitting me a hat as an apology for unknowingly making out with my boyfriend
I love it when he cheats on me with nice people
It's like you know you got fucjed up when you wake up and check fir your own pulse
For not really liking Christmas, I have an astounding amount of holiday-themed lingerie
I knew it was going to be a good night when my mom said "Have fun, be safe...wait, do you need any weed for tonight?"
Well I'm going to hell. But I'm going after multiple orgasms.
You walked in with a bag of weed and asked for a watermelon. For some reason they actually gave you one, and you made it into a perfectly working bong. Two of them offered their girlfriends to you for the night.
I was peer pressured into smoking weed by a bunch of LGBTQ teenagers
Randomize
