I'm so glad you managed to take a picture of your foreskin before you broke my camera.
i'd fuck the guy who invented dead baby jokes.
This is the LAST time i'm accepting the excuse "tequila made me do it". Even tequila thinks buying all of nickelback's itunes singles is fucking retarded
she said if I bought her franzia she would blow me, and she would fuck me if I splurged on martini and rossi. Franzia it is
I don't care what he thinks. My vagina has an open door policy.
I think I'm getting too used to throwing up in the reception trash can. It doesn't even phase me anymore
She said, "awww, you're so sweet" after I started putting on a condom. How many STDs have I just contracted?
All hell broke loose. When the police showed up, this kid somehow haggled with a cop to let him pee in public. I'm convinced he could talk the panties off of a nun
In other news: I found out that my mom used to fuck my newest fuck buddy's dad when they were in school.
Shame?!? Shame only comes from getting naked in front of strangers and it not being awesome
I am walking funny today. And it's sad because it's from the bad encounter with the sidewalk rather than a good encounter with a stripper
just once I'd like to not pass out before we leave the designated pre-drinking place
I'm out of prison. Wanna start a band?
Yeah but you let me touch your butt. You're clearly the winner.
It's not even 8pm on a Friday and I've already got a guy to tell me how big his penis is. Watched anything good on Netflix lately?
Randomize
