Im rethinking drunk tuesdays. Also rethinking ovaries.
You put your red cup in a chain link fence and kept telling me you could use it as a telescope
we just drove by a car that was painted for a grad, it said "you done it!" with a confederate flag bumper sticker next to it. i love kentucky
I just woke up to pictures of every angle of his dick I'll ever need to see.
I woke up locked in the bar...this has redefined partying.
You were so excited to be getting 4 tickets to the Whale Rodeo.... That high
You overflowed the toilet cuz you tried to flush apples. you said they were singing too loudly
I'm pretty sure I got a cavity today due to how many times I've puked hungover at work.
I'm eating ramen over the toilet. Fuck my life
My suggestion is that you just get high and set shit on fire
Didn't have the heart to tell him that while he was eating my ass I was laughing, not moaning, into the pillow
I'm gonna guess ur still high cus last night at like 3am my pillows were morphing into cats and I kept trying to pet them
Just whatever you do, don't neglect the balls.
I really don’t want to have kids.
I thought we agreed we were done with dirty talk for the day
I don't think getting eaten out in a smart car behind a circle-k on my break by a guy I just met classifies as social distancing, but I'm beginning to love night shift more and more.
Randomize
