So I'm really hungover walking to work and these douches from comcast on bikes ask if they can take a picture with me to show that they're doing their job. The picture: me, this chick from comcast, i'm holding a 2 ft. pixie stick, a comcast flyer and i'm puking in the parking lot. sounds like their doing a good job!
I wish that vaginas would just grow when you're ready for sex. Like when you dont need your vagina its not there, but when you need it...BAM its there. then no one would see it when you get drunk
yeah...or you could just stop doing cartwheels in skirts
just gave another girl i passed on the walk of shame a high five
triple team girl just facebook chatted me. do i tell her i had a nice time?
She stopped mid hookup to ask me if we'd be done before Taco Bell closed.
I'm glad I get the same reaction from you for cookies and for my naked body
He just got dropped off drinking a flask, sitting on the handlebars of a chinese delivery man's bike
Tonight's gonna be epic. Did he bring my noodles?
I feel like we have both made good decisions regarding our vaginas lately
My gut feeling that we had reached a new level of intimacy last night was confirmed early this morning when you sleep farted on penis.
we just ate hash browns in a nativity scene with baby jesus
It's the 3rd day of the year and I've already sucked two dicks. New year same ole me.
You're the third Mark I've fucked in that bed.
I get stoned and write a 15 page history report in two hours. She gets stoned and cries because she "doesn't know which shade of pink is the real one".
the last thing I remember is taking a pull of ever clear and chasing it with vodka
I think I just read the whole internet. Front to back.
Randomize
