Do you have a straightener and are extra lubricated condoms not the norm?
and then he ordered a "diet and rum" like the most important part of the drink was the diet.
Woke up in a pool of alcohol sweat. Probably could wring out my sheets and make a decent cocktail.
I feel like one of those toads that you lick to get high or find a prince.... cept when you lick me you find a drunk whore.
I'm gonna make a therapist very happy and very wealthy this semester.
You know I found it really difficult to find a full lenght picture for the egg donor site where I wasn't holding any alcohol...
I don't think I'm allowed to have Burger King. What if i just chew for taste and not actually consume. Like a wine connoisseur for fast food
Sex in the moonbounce later?
This is why I love you.
Let's put a bunch of beers in a backpack and shotgun them in a Red Lobster bathroom
Idk what was more embarassing, seeing her face when I finished, or seeing her roomates faces thru the door..
Any chance the bar is open now? Also who's wedding is this?
I sense lesbianism
That's a weird power
It's a little hazey but I think I tried to request Nelly last night. There was no dj. Not sure who I was talking to
Blame the bisexuality and move on?
Dude!! Who the fuck glued Cheetos to my couch? Bastards!!
His pet bird was perched ON HIS DICK.
Randomize
