sometimes i wonder what i would do without sheltered catholic girls w/ overprotective parents
never have sex?
my ex gf has sooo many hot friends... i feel like im at a grocery store when on her fb... just shopping around.
You didn't act like you were blacked out yesterday...
I didn't know
Just got escorted to my 7:45 class by an old woman because I was too hungover to not realize I was four floors too high.
is anything happening tonight?? I'm soooo in need of a tasteful and healthy bender.
i dont remember how or why, but i now have 3 coupons for a free BJ from Anise stapled to my right arm.
I just want to have normal problems like what kind of puppy to get, or should I pay a hooker to fuck Scott, or even a dilemma about fucking Twizzlers. I don't know.
My brother slept till 4, bought a sword, got drunk and sharpened said sword. I went to corporate compliance training. Life is not fair.
Two drag queens are fighting over me. And yet the night is still getting weirder
I don't think a gay three way is the best way to confirm your sexuality.
It's truly amazing how much porn I can get in while my phones at 1% battery life.
I just had sex in the footy bunny pajamas my mom bought me for christmas. Tis the season
OK, but next time I'd like to be present for our make-up sex.
Explain to me again why I'm doing the walk of shame if we fucked at my house?
Why are there 17 orders of shrimp lo mein in the bathtub?
Randomize
