So apparently I ran down the hall to another party and started handing out uncooked spaghetti to strangers. You'd be surprised how many drunk people will eat raw noodles.
As usual, I had to fight him for his car keys. Though this time he made it to the valet garage. All the Hispanic attendants gathered around and watched. Felt like I was in a cock fight.
Great. Now I'm always going to be the roommate that boned a guy with a third nipple.
Here's my first problem: I'm drunk
You'd be surprised how many calories hedonism burns.
I'll explain later but basically I was feeling dangerous, I'm dressed as Ann Romney and Ann Romney is a bad bitch.
It was drunk tag. I was Alice in wonderland chasing a ballerina who was chasing Lance Armstrong who had needles in his arms.
Ps I'm glad our relationship hasn't progressed into having to get married so we legally can't testify against each other
I'm a complete klutz, especially when I get excited. I pee a lot too. I'm like a puppy except I don't pee in the floor.
That was the night you tried to convince me you threw up your sould because your throwup was black
Something about finishing sexting a guy and him going "well. I have to get ready for Passover now" really makes me rethink my life choices
All I have are vague memories of us eating ham?
Im just an angry damaged little elf who wanders around and tries to find drugs.
I let a 30 year old guitar player that works at a call center go down on me in his backseat last night
My last Google search was 'can an impotent man have sex'. I don't even want to know what I did with that guy.
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