It's not littering; it's giving birds nest building suplies. Besides, birds love soy sauce and plastic forks.
If Curt Schilling could pitch a game with that blood-filled sock... if Tiger Woods won the 2008 US Open with a torn ligament, then I'd be an embarrassment to the human race if I couldn't manage to at least jerk him off even if I was still crying after he put it in my butt.
and she was grinding on the wall, purring at guys she liked at the pregame...
Last night, I accomplished the impossible. I pissed while riding my bicycle home without pissing all over myself. My Dutch friends gave me a round of applause and said I was now the king of holland.
lit a joint with my parents wedding matches today, this is what happens when you're out of lighter fluid. didnt even feel guilty.
Dedicating my hangover to whoever the hell I hooked up with in the bathroom last night.
just kidding, dedicating it to the gods of mexican food. omnomnom
Seriously. My vagina. Can we talk about it? It's gonna jump off this treadmill and devour my trainer.
New game I thought of while bored on the train. Anytime I get a text from an ex, I will randomly text a different ex. It's like a less charitable version of pay it forward.
By this time next year I expect us to have full time jobs that we can call out of so we can day drink on beautiful days like this. Oh, and grill.
Dude, she doesn't even live here... She just can't eat all our food and masturbate on my dog's couch...
Just remember, Dont make worse choices than american flag pants to your own birthday party
My mom just called hysterical. She and her sister found my dead grandma's vibrator.
The apple don't fall far from that tree.
In Texas. Drank way too much wine. Puked in a gallon zip lock bag. Passed out at 445 with the ENTIRE family here. Got up at 745 in time for dinner. I made you proud!!!
you know you're sexually deprived when you're holding a warm taquito in your hand and your vagina starts to tingle
Almost gave myself a concussion stealing a stuffed unicorn hanging on a street sign but hey I got home safe
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