Soap is not a condiment
Say my name once during sex just to fuck with her. Like when it gets rough.
Marriage: a sacred union between one man and one woman, and another woman in Argentina.
Seriously, stop peeing all over the toilet seat. It looks like movie theatre butter.
We watched a biography of Frida Kahlo in class today. It was depressing. A chick with a UNIBROW just put my sex life to shame.
It can't be good... The last recollection I have is singing lullabys to his penis
Everything in my purse is 100% saturated in red wine, which made it challenging to cover up my booze breath with franzia soaked gum
I fell asleep on the table at Denny's. Told the waitress to wake me up when my burger was there.
Listen, everyone has a price and mine is free taco bell.
In my top drawer right now, there are see's chocolates, condoms, weed, and my vibrator. One way or another, this is going to be a good night
starting to feel like a fuck wizard with a magical sixth sense for people fucking.
The part where he comes over and ignores you isn't what makes me mad about that story... It's the fact that he ate your tacos, AND THEN proceeded to ignore you. That's cold hearted.
Ugh. It's days like these that make me wish my bad habits would kill me faster
Your ex spoke highly of your penis and it’s skill. I’m interested in learning more about it ;-)
I sent him nudes while he is at work because I am an evil human being.
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