Apparently they shut down a cook out cause people were selling drugsout the drive thru. Nice to be home
he gave me an orgasm. multiple times. the weird stuff he did in middle school is now irrelevant.
i grabbed his hand and told him i loved him and then he looked down and said "i love...mallomars" and shoved like three in his mouth. never been so embarrassed.
so. which one of us is going to pay for the neighbors new window? it cracked when i threw the bottle at it but smashed when you threw yours.
His mom just described him as a manipulative, deceitful bastard -- oddly I still want him
what has two thumbs and is going to bang you boss on monday?
i think my love is proven by the fact that i still want to have sex with you after this conversation
Fuck my life, there's a fry in my vagina.
Dude, double fisting packs of Ramen saved my life last night
So how did it go?
I'm not sure if it was all the eggnog or all the alcohol, but hosting an eggnog pong tournament was a mistake.
I should have listened to my dad and mean girls... If you have sex you'll get pregnant and die.
Please tell me that I didn't call you to say I was swimming in outter space
Who gets call-your-ex-from-4-years-ago drunk on a Thursday??
I don't trust my subconscious. It sleeps with my exboyfriend sometimes.
Let's do something tonight. I feel like setting things on fire.
Randomize
