Did you call me this morning? I was really drugged up and don't remember.
Have a good day. My vagina shrank.
Stop being a whore!!! Everyone can see!!!!
Sitting next to a retarded hot married man on the plane, I got 6.5 hrs to homewreck this shit.
he made me scream out "#24" while we fucked...no more football players
Its 11am, im in the city in a pocahontas outfit, lost a heel and found a gold rolex in my lingerie.
I drunk dialed my ex-boyfriend last night. He was sitting next to my new boyfriend. Shoot me in the face.
shit went down at the bar when this girl with 'morals' totally cock blocked a married guy. she actually kicked IN the bathroom door when they were fucking in there. then we all did shots.
Kinda sad when you get home on a Sunday morning and the paper guy HAND DELIVERS the newspaper to you...,
Lesson: Never rollerskate with a 40 in your hand unless you have a destination.
You don't know scared until you've just begun the first stage of an acid trip till a guy on stilts with a creepy mustache and beard says "enter the Forrest"
This girl is wasted dancing to The Final Countdown. She's grinding on a guy who came to the bar in a track jacket and a wife beater
He stopped me mid blowjob and asked me to take off my hat. He said it made him feel like Neil Young was going down on him.
I think I'm just going to get a farm, a vibrater, and a lot of wine.
Apparently I showed all your grooms men my vagina to prove I did not have underwear on. Awesome
I do very much feel like vomiting. and I have no idea where that lighter came from. thank you for coming to my TED Talk.
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