If that was your dad, he is hot
be a good friend and just tell me i'm not pregnant
I was 10 minutes late leaving for lunch today because I couldn't lose a boner. It is impossible to tuck it when your shirt is tucked in...gotta quit facebook stalking hot chicks at work
I sold 10 pepperonis for 5 dollars last night....i fucking love drunk people
if you count grabbing my crotch as an introduction then yeah i got a couple of those tonight
Before I left he asked me if I could submit my panties for the frat house undergarment chandelier. I said yes
All I could think about when I saw her was that she could be the mother of my future first round draft picks
Is this the 6 foot tall blonde I screwed in the bar last weekend?
In the bar?! Very impressive! But keep guessing!
Sorry I didn't answer your call last night, I was peeing on the driveway.
I'm spending tomorrow doing taxes and making jello shots. Is this adulthood?
We were getting breakfast he shit himself in the middle of ihop. Mid bite he just yells out o fuck.
Not sure if your roommate speaks German while sleeping, or if she woke up, figured out we were fucking, and used German to swear at us.
So his dick was definitely bigger than it looked in all the pictures he sent my daughter.
got some info she was last seen with some guy wearing goggles
You sending me our unborn, unfertilized babies' names is not what I envisioned when you said you'd "drunk text me later".
Randomize
