I just woke up to crumpled tissues everywhere. Looks like it was another night filled with tears and semen.
If burritos were dicks, we'd have a serious relationship problem on our hands. Just saying.
Here's a fun fact your kittens ate my vomit last night
is it a bad thing if he can only get off when i start talking like one of the girls from Jersey Shore??
This guy legit just tried to LSAT formal logic his way into my pants. Contrapositives and everything.
i woke up with a wedding ring drawn on my finger...if this was vegas id be worried
can we get together and have a vodka water gun fight? i need to get som intense excersise/alcohol
We got to the party at eleven, and the host was already in the hospital from being stabbed. And she brought the stabber home with us when we left.
Cassie is wearing a baseball cap. This rebound is going nowhere
I'm buying groceries with adderoll. I hope I'm never this broke again.
I'm surprised I didn't lose anything last night. Except maybe my dignity but other than that we gucci.
So you're on like a list there now..."Do not under any circumstances give this person a knife. Serve them in plastic cups ONLY"
When we left, you were on your third beer. When we came back to grab you, you had a pint glass half full of whiskey and had convinced the band to give you a microphone.
I may or may not be sitting in a bubble bath drinking wine, watching Jurassic park, and wearing a Russian fur hat.
You reached new levels of laziness. After we woke you up to take shots with us, you stayed in bed so you didn't have to move when you were drunk and sleepy
Randomize
