So when jo picked me up from the bar I kept apologizing and kept telling her "I'm just a wittle donut"
Tipsy and thinking of you. Talk tomorrow. My alliteration is awesome.
Sorry i'm not sorry i made out with your dad. It was father's day weekend, get a grip
Tonight is one of those "I'm wearing a shirt as a dress" nights because I need to get laid.
Apparently senior citizens don't like that position
We're lucky we aren't prostitutes by now. Whats the etiquette for returning a pair of heels with blood on them?
he went to find a bathroom and came back 10 minutes later with a fifth of bacardi, a pack of cigarettes, and two funnel cakes. he is a man among boys.
The slot machines are wishing me happy birthday. Mission success.
Uh yeah. I ate a brick of cheese. Didn't even cut it. We were admiring the teeth marks I was leaving. We decided it was the negative of my mouth
Lets be real here, you loved it when I was on top. With and without the machete.
Water park on acid. THIS NEEDS TO HAPPEN!!
We are both federal employees and Obama gave us a four-day weekend to lie in bed. Do you know how many orgasms that will be? I knew there was a reason I voted for this guy.
Yeah, we agreed, but I feel like I need at least one more ride on the bonecoaster
I just texted my mom from a strip club.
You spilled your drink, and we laughed so hard my boobs popped out of my shirt.
Randomize
