She got a text from her mom saying "you better not sleep with him, we all know how he is". IV ONLY BEEN HERE A WEEK
he was cradling you in his arms feeding you rum straight from the bottle and you kept sucking his fingers.
I woke up on the ground next to a bed of naked men. I'm either a drunken genius or the enemy....
She texted me shhh....im drunk, secret booty call...how could i say no?
Don't underestimate her when she starts going by "the vodka queen"
Pretty sure the purpose of joining wine clubs isn't to drink the 2 bottles they send you each month IN THE SAME NIGHT.
Carving a pumpkin in a gay bar at 2am. How did my life get to be this way.
My whole house smells like Spaghetti-Os and cat litter. I think I've failed as an adult.
He added me on LinkedIn while I was baking weed brownies in the boxers he left here... Is this adulthood?
How high were you when you left that message, cause you made honest-to-God, credible seal noises.
Friday is the holy day of drinking. Thou shalt observe the Sabbath. It's in the bible. Look it up bitch.
have you ever tried to puke in an automatic flushing toilet? impossible
No, he wouldn't have sex with me....but on the brightside I managed to fit the entire falafel sandwhich in my purse!!
Her dad had just brought down their giant American flag for 4th of July and we fucked on it. I have never been more patriotic
I’m literally naked drinking a beer and I gotta leave in 6 minutes for work lol
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