I love you and miss you, which in no way dimishes how much I hate the person you turned out to be, but I still love and miss you.
I JUST GOT MY PERIOD AND MY VISA FOR LONDON GOT APPROVED! BEST DAY EVER!
I am stoned and watching Pocahontas. I am letting the kids eat whatever they want. I am the best babysitter in the whole wide world
So high. I just took a picture of my chewed gum so I can remember to paint a picture of it as a cloud later.
Saw a guy in a chef outfit covered in mustard talking jiberish into his phone running across the skywalk.
How exactly do I approach the whole "Well that was fun. Am I purchasing the Plan B or you?" topic?
While eating post sex burritos I dripped taco bell sauce on my boob. He licked it off and asked why I hadn't thought of that before.
Currently studying Econ, while waiting outside current booty call's residence for him to return from the strip club. This is your fault.
I shaved last nite, you should see my cock it looks like a beautiful skyscraper
My goal for the weekend: procure a blowjob using only stern glances, hand gestures, and crudely-drawn stick figures.
No one's ever called me intergalactic cocksucker, before.
What does it say about me that I feel completely charmed right now?
I tried to flirt with him by saying "catholics are cool" and he handed me a cup of water so i called him jesus and thanked him for the wine
This German chick looked me up and down for a while. Then she grabbed my crotch, let go after a few seconds, and said "you vill do". I think I'm gonna like tonight.
I am 95% sure I just heard my cat say "What are you doing home? It's Saturday night."
I left him naked in his bed. I did cover his junk with a blanket in case his roommate walked in later though. so I don't feel as bad about it.
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