My sheets at my parents place are clean. No braveheart but I can paint myself, yell "freedom", and sword fight you with my cock. So come over.
you knoww youre high when you are just as concerned as the contestants on ultimate cake off as they move their 250 lbs cake over the ramp
some guy just asked me if water gets in a vag when girls take a bath. WTF. it's not a wind tunnel!
I told him I wanted to "ride him like a show pony" I think he gets the picture
gona look into getting a tetanus booster and carrying an adrenaline shot...its going off this weekend
That birthday blow job you ordered came in the mail today. I suggest you hurry home.
I've shit my pants 4 times in 12 hours... Never trust a fart when u pass 30
It makes showers more interesting trying to drink a gin and tonic and keep soap out of my eyes at the same time.
You need to calm down.
And now to play every stoner's favorite game: Where the Fuck Did We Park the Car?! Disneyland Edition!
I'm just the girl with the breathalyzer keychain, and I embrace that.
Will Smith has a direct hotline to my emotions
I can't believe I watched you put a tampon in in the parking garage
If you're gonna show up unannounced on hangover day, you better have coffee doughnuts and a boner
It was hands down the most magical fuck I've ever had
It was the only fuck you've ever had..
Sometimes I get confused on who I really actually know and who's lives I just know everything about via internet. Its a fine line
Randomize
