I need to surround myself with more reliable stoners...
I wonder what gingers are like in bed...as awkward as their hair or just as unique as it...?
As I was puking last night I told them "it's ok I'm a paramedic"
I think he liked me better when I only opened my mouth to suck his dick.
Please don't be alarmed by the blood on my arms and phone in the morning. It's not mine.
if I'm at school tomorrow just indulge my moment of pity and let me cry on your shoulder
Thanks for the hickies, asshole. I make my living as a fitness instructor. It's gonna look reeeeeeal weird if I have to wear a scarf while teaching Zumba all week.
I just asked her to come in through the window, this pretty much solidifies the whole fuck-buddy thing...
dude he's still passed out in my bathtub. and his dick is half way in a 40 bottle... i really hope he was just trying to piss in it
You now have the mental image of me flying off into the sunset with no pants
I'm soaking her vibrators in tabasco and wasabi paste. "furious" is an understatement
It will pretty much be equal to the feeling I had when you let me hold your dick while you were peeing, or when I graduated high school!
Such a shame we didn't work out. We would've been a power couple producing NFL linemen :/
Sex in the backyard? Check.
Also: that bruise on my leg where you left like 3 sets of teeth marks keeps getting run into the corners of desks and shit. And I can't even complain to anyone at work
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