he saw my "i like bacon" magnet on the fridge and i told him how much i love meat, then we started making out
what a beautiful fairy tale
all she had left on were here heels. phone five
I'm taking it from the chunk of pizza I just pulled out my hair that we ate pizza last night?
Just rented the SCUBA equipment. Meet me at the pool to test the underwater beer bong idea.
I will come to your office dressed as a bloody mary, hug you then leave is that a good plan?
yes. bring a barf bucket too. just. in. case.
But youre all cute and shit. Woo that cunt. And by cunt i mean strong independent woman
No it's okay, we're just driving to random places with the portable stripper pole and causing a ruckus.
Oh that's normal
I'm sad we weren't friends when I went through my "I like drugging my friends" phase
My ultimate goal is to get laid wearing a horse mask... That would be awesome on all possible levels
BRING KITTENS I AM A GENIUS
He suck his junk in my HALF BAKED. Ben & Jerry would totally disapprove. This is worse than sticky dick donut day.
I just wrote a self loathing message to self, wrapped my credit card in it, put it in an envelope, sealed it with another hate messame, and put it in my lock box. So. That's where I'm at.
Just did coke off my highschool yearbook. Not much has changed in 5 years.
Stop thinking about me and go on your date... at least I got the glitter off your face first.
Mom just walked in on a bj. IT'S WHATEVER.
Randomize
