I swear she didn't look like that last week.
Bleh. If he hadn't ascended into heaven and sat at the right hand of the father, Jesus would be rolling over in his grave right now.
yes, we have a friends with benefits thing. i found out he had never 69'd, done anal or had a threesome. i told him i was going to rock his world.
and what did he say?
there were no words. he looked like a kid on christmas morning.
There were 4 naked women demanding my presence. Of COURSE I got into the pool.
We started snorting MDMA at 3 in the afternoon...it was never going to end well.
Can we play rock paper scissor shot again? I want to black out in 15 minutes or less...
Fun new game when high: sorting socks. Took forever. Was awesome.
Some days you just pee in a stairwell and go home.
This reminds me of the time I was given a lap dance by a David Bowie drag king...
Cool. Some 22 year old kids gave me a ride home from the bar last night. In related news, I made out with a 22yr old last night. He was adorable
I'm such a good drunk match marker. You single, you single... Drunk friend meet single boy. BOOM illegitimate baby made!
Nobody wants to date "Eats Taco Bell Secretly In Her Car" Girl
I definitely don't have enough experience with hookers to be in this group text anymore.
I may forget my underwear, but you can count on me for drugs and plan b
I walked into your room and you were wearing party beads, a foam finger, and reading the dictionary. Good night?
Randomize
