Sex on a kitchen table is not as amazing as they make is seem in the movies.
did you violate me with a mr sketch marker when i passed out? i just peed and wiped purple and it smelled like grape. i need to get to the bottom of this...
I just looked at all of our spring break pictures... there's a guy getting a blow job in the background of the ones on the beach.
can your parents tell?
i just had a cookie in one hand and a phone in the other and tried to eat my phone...they know
dude all my bootycalls are going to Eclipse tonight... Do I really want it that bad?
I now realize that they made gum to take the taste of dick out of your mouth.
I'm not embarrassed about the lap dance. I'm embarrassed for the singing during.
Wanna hang out? my DILF had to dip out for his sons little league game
I was like can I please fuck your hips back into realignment
Are the transvestites working the counter tonight? Last time I was there they gave me love advice.
oh the usual. high as balls and crying about the hunger games.
It is a bad day indeed when you learn that your boy toy looks better in your dresses than you do
I may have unintentionally punched your cat twice but he's an asshole anyway.
Wine through a straw in a subway cup.....classy
Apparently i'm now known as the kid who was double fisting tequila and pedialyte.
Randomize
