sorry probably not gonna make it :( kinda tied up right now
sad face, r u gay?... wait like really tied up?
:)
I'm not saying we can't have sex tonight, I'm just saying we have to work it around Lost.
I thought you should know that there is a scientific law stating that when there is booze, people talk about your dick.
I am significantly less than sober now. Gonna make like, ten hotdogs.
So I put a beer on your bed and jumped on th3 other side of the bed like in the commercials. You my good sir, owe me a budweiser that your bed drank.
Should I be concerned you put your last name in my phone as "danger"?
Also I'm proud of us for having an educational conversation in this group text.
We're ordering chinese food so if you want to get on this obesity train answer me now.
He was like, I wanna take it slow. I took off my bra And I was like, either we have sex now or you get out.
O was like, nah, fuck 50-50. My version of bi is that i'm 80% gay, 20% drug-addled decisions. Apparently he's straight on hallucinogens.
I think I'd rather see her get hit by a car in one of those Russian dash cam videos on YouTube.
I'm beginning a new chapter of my life in which our fridge will always be stocked with jello shots. I'm excited to embark down this road to fruity, semi-solid alcoholism.
I swear I was in Legend of Zelda Twilight Princess and American Ninja Warrior at the same time. I'm never getting high while rock climbing again.
Nah leave him alone, he is at the strip club with his mom.
Its really hard to take a shit when the dog wont stop trying to crawl into your lap
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