i want to open my blinds to let the sunlight in my room, but i'm afraid my neighbors will be able to see me drinking and judge me
we need to drink 2009 down the drain
I'll put it this way. My grandkids felt that fuck.
I've banged too many servicemen's wives to still be considered an American.
I really need to find a new way to reward you other than head scratches, nutella and blowjobs.
I let a guy with dreads drive my car, then demanded he take me back cause I don't let strangers drive my car, while repeatedly apologizing for being a cock block.
Reached a new low. Drinking Wine from my thermos while on the stair master.
You said you didn't want to drink anymore so you started shooting vodka down the back of your throat using a syringe. Oh, and then you aimed it at my eye ball...vodka in the eye hurts btw.
You mAke me stone. Stone fuck fucking stoned. I'm an stoned you cuz now fucking stoned stoned fucking stoned I stone.
Next time you think about divorce, consider this: a hot guy just walked in and I tried to suck in my back fat.
Did you get an erection too during Paul Ryan's speech?
I ran into my boss at the liquor store on our lunch hour we both just stood there awkwardly until i was like your car bar or mine hahaha we both need a cab
If I got everything I wanted in the world, I would have been forcing soup down your throat hours ago
If I die tonight somebody's going to have to let all my tinder matches know.
Just dropped the most perfectly rolled joint into the toilet I just finished taking a shit in, hadn't even had time to flush, 5 second rule?
No!
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