Rosebud was a fucking sled. Gay.
I am sitting on my kitchen floor drunk with a bottle of jose cuervo, tryin to make cinnamon rolls and write a paper. I love college
I am the Bobby Fisher of drunk asss puking
Dude she let me cum on her face
You have the wrong number I'm the she who let you cum on her face unless some other girl has let you since this morning
so if i die before i go back to school its because the thing we found in the hallway that i've been smoking out of is a crack pipe
He came in like 30 seconds. That's how I know he hasn't been cheating on me while I've been gone
if that blanket by the dog bowl was your dog's "bed" then i apologize to bailey for having sex on it
Nothings harder than putting on a frozen condom.. or should I say softer
I'm still drunk. I put on workout clothes this morning and just puked in my bathroom. That's the same as going to the gym, right?
I need more social interactions that don't involve sex
Ok, they now been on the roof for two days. I can see 4 cases of teecate and a carton of smokes. They are yelling at "fucking fall" and pissing off the roof.
Apparently calling shotgun while getting put into a police car is frowned upon
The most awkward thing in the morning is seeing your teacher's dick right before you go to his class.
you stood in front of the mirror for 20 minutes and finally said, "he can hear everything i'm saying inside my head. we need to leave." now try and tell me there is no such thing as too high.
True I am eskimo brothers with every one of my room mates, but it was only two girls. And 9 outta 10 times I was first
Randomize
