at russian wedding, no open bar. bottles of vodka at table. getting to work tomorrow may be an issue.
i think i pulled off the nice guy thing too well. it just backfired later on when she thought i was actually nice.
I'm pretty sure that if I didn't have a gerbil with a shotgun in my uterus I would think i was knocked up cuz all I want is hot sauce
yeah the cable guy is coming and everybody is hiding all the pieces in the house. we are up to thirty two. like a fun game of smokable scavener hunt.
I'm in my bed. Snow angles in fresh sheets. don't even try to get me out tonight.
It was only funny because some guy across the street was getting his mail and he just stopped and watched me throw up everywhere
Everyone called me "Barf Vader".. And I lost your lightsaber.
Did we seriously steal a wet floor sign from McDonald's then get chased down by a homeless man for it? Never drinking again.
I kept on yelling at him to get his shit together as he was puking
I should be rewarded with oreos for not turning into a raging cunt.
I gave him a blowjob to kill bill. 2 of my favorite things.
The exact people you expect to find at a bar at 2pm are here. Come visit. We'd really like the company.
Pretty sure one of my drivers stopped to get laid while he was delivering a pizza. Is it appropriate to give him a write-up AND a high-five?
So unmotivated today.
Who am I kidding. So unmotivated this decade.
Do it!! We better have a duck by the time I get home.
Randomize
