I got raped by $2 you call it's. I'm still hammered. And mentoring high school kids. My life is a joke.
she's naming her girl london marie
that kid will be born with a tramp stamp
Just got mistaken for a cardboard cutout ad in line at Taco Bell. New low?
just took my exes job. there should be an award for how many times I've managed to fuck that girl's life
watching elf naked is so much better than watching it with clothes on .
hey sry I lost all my numbers who is this?
pat the guy you slept with
still need a last name
What? Cold floors are soothing when you have a hangover. How am I supposed to pass that up. Even if I'm at my parents house
Just saw a motorized bathtub. I think this college thing is gonna work out.
My glasses are somewhere in your living room. Also, my underwear might be in your bathroom or on or around your porch. Sorry.
The president of the frat said he was honored to award me "Best Overall Blow Jobs", free admission to all their future parties, and a $20 gift certificate to Denny's. I'm not sure if I feel proud or if that's just the burrito coming back up...
Also, what are the symptoms of syphilis?
Blacked out last night, but left myself a note that said "oops on oops on oops" that can never be a positive
one minute he's happily playing with a lighter and the next thing I know, he's screaming and the swing set is on fire
OH MY GOD IT'S LIKE SHOOTING FISH IN A BARREL, EXCEPT INSTEAD OF FISH THEY ARE FIGHTER PILOTS
You were making out with a freshman and said you wanted to back to his place. Then when you got to the door to leave you said "never mind." He sad it wasn't fair and you got all serious and told him "welcome to the real world kid."
havent showered in 2 days. just Febrezed my balls in the car before going into a movie alone with a 40 of Guinness.there isn't a word in English for how single I am.
Randomize
