WHY CAN'T YOU EVER SHIT LIKE A NORMAL PERSON, JESSE.
Important detail I forgot to tell you: leprechaun loves david bowie.
What's the over under on catching something from your sister?
I just passed a truck with its bed lined with a tarp and filled with water with six dudes chilling in the back driving through campus. That looks fun.
Beer acquired. Food is cooking
Wow, you are almost sliding into home plate for some stellar fellatio
She loves introducing her friends to my foreskin.
The front camera on the 5S is SO much better. This is great development for my international sexting.
all of these bad things happened because I didn't bring a shower beer.
I hope a pyrotechnic goes off in your asshole and seals it shut for life.
Me too.
you said "it's karaoke night" and tried to use my dick as a microphone
I impressed him by taking off my panties without removing my pants.
Theres about 23 grilled cheese sandwiches stuck to my ceiling and tomato soup all over the kitchen. You are never allowed over again. Ever.
you should come have a drink with me (non alcoholic or otherwise) im at the same bar as your sister and a few guys that would apparently "lick your butthole"-congratulations
Woke up this morning to him making out with me in his sleep, then I had to go on a scavenger hunt to find a used condom before my roommate got back... it was under my pillow.
Is she talking about a testicle cuff or just a cock ring? How did you meet this girl?
Is there a big difference?
It’s about the same as the difference between a night of drunken sex with a stripper at the Bellagio and being robbed and left for dead by a crystal meth tweaker
Randomize
