On valentines day I took a girl on a date that I suspect was homeless
I can't sleep so instead I'm thinking of all the things I would love to do to you right now
That's weird, I usually just count sheep
The seats are awesome but you see two of each player.
He blew a load on his roommates pillow just to piss him off. Why did you introduce me to these people?
At one point in time, he cried and said I didn't appreciate him.
I'm covered in egg mcmuffin wrappers and my room smells like dead hooker.
He pulled a bucket of fried chicken out of his backpack as a peace offering. Under the chicken was a rainbow bag of weed. We're dating again.
The last time I've felt a woman's touch, the twin towers were compromised. You can wait like one week
Girl you know I'm an advocate of debauchery but you might wanna check yoself.
I was struggling morally, but once I let go, I came pretty hard.
Well yeah. But im not sure i trust the black out drunk high girl giving life advice
It got weird the panthers lost and we started throwing wings at one another
I'm killing it this week, I've peed my pants and put my vibrator into the washing machine.
OF COURSE I FUCKED HIM! Did you not read the part about him having red and green Christmas condoms?
On a scale of 1 to hungover I’m definitely throwing up at the office today.
Randomize
