it doesn't get any better than taco bell and soft core porn
i just got so high i needed a buddy system to the kitchen
It's a shame that I don't know his last name. Actually, it's an ever bigger shame that I don't know his first name
The problem with having your drunkeness documented at a wedding is not only does it show up all over facebook, but all over professional photography websites.
I bought a police grade breathalyzer on ebay at 4:37 am. At least I'm a responsible drunk.
I was more concerned about the amount of mcdonalds fries on the floor around me than i was with my lack of clothes.
You told them that the brownies were safe, and then pointed to a passed out Ryan and said "see?"
the worst part was waking up this morning to his skrillex ringtone.....when was it ever okay for friends to let other friends go home WITH GUYS LIKE THAT!?
We're looking for the removeable roof from her Miata. Winner gets a 40.
You are so predictable. I am willing to bet 20$ that instead of going out you are sitting on your couch, stoned, watching Seinfield re-runs and eating cheezits.
1. they're goldfish. 2 fuck you
Well, if you're getting/have gotten your dick sucked, you're welcome. If not, I tried. Step up your game, pussy. I pulled a MacGuyver and got mine. No excuses bro.
He should know he can't successfully wrestle in pudding fully clothed. Amateur.
Also, do you think i could get away with finishing my vodka cranberry from last night at work if i put orange juice in it? Serious question.
I called him a "Beautiful Bastard" with "Beautiful Bastard Hair". That is how you pick up a guy from Denmark.
Your mom has reinvented the use of a ping pong ball.
Randomize
