Who did Billy Mays play for?
I shall celebrate this moment with a beer conveniently located in the sock drawer directly to the right of me.
i was like hansel and gretel. i puked a trail from mcdonalds to our place so i could find my way back in the morning
my boyfriend just told me he used to have genital herpes. I was gonna have sex with him, but now it's SOOO over.
what kind of stupid fuck tells you that BEFORE sex? he is definitely not a keeper.
Does Vicodin go better with white or red wine?
Found out why I didn't have to go drug test. My boss grew pot to pay for grad school.
Is it sad I don't want to go buy $1 Mac-n-cheese cause I need to pay rent... I'm re-naming this college.
Also, peanut butter on a spoon dinner is back in existence and it is good.
currently wearing a football players overly sized underwear. discovered a shot count on my leg. I'm a tank hahahhh
I offered to lick your vagina while wearing a suit... Pretty sure chivalry is well alive.
I just came so hard I growled. Definitely found my gspot.
I can't believe you guys got into a sword fight over a chicken nugget
Oh, so that's where all the scratches came from...
he pissed the bed, like I literally woke up and he was pissing right beside me. With the electric blanket he's lucky he didn't get electrocuted
I am more than mildly offended he didn't screenshot the snapchat of my boobs.
you put your keys in the fridge so you wouldn't forget your yoohoo
I literally have a pirate chest of slutty clothing.
Randomize
