You drank almost the entire bottle of everclear and wanted to walk around. I guess your best friends sister is a cop and you wanted her to arrest you like the lil wayne song.... so sorry dude.
The size of her vagina has nothing to do with the size of her heart bro
Let me begin my 3 part apology by saying that you are a wonderful human being...
I apparently spent $173 at the bar last night. The proof is in the vomit on my pillow and the receipt I tried to clean it up with.
I respect you for how well you shave your vagina. It isn't easy and my dick faces out, not in.
They set the pop up pool in the basement-running filter and all. Drunk swimming. Come now.
No I can't cure herpes. I'm an EMT, not Jesus.
I gave her at least chlamydia. Maybe worse. She is also into chicks and loves taking naked pics. It's like the less I believe in Jesus, the more he rewards me.
You know it's going to be a good night when you're barking by 8:20.
I just ordered a onesie on amazon in the back of the ambulance while my patient was sleeping. I'm an adult
apparently I kept repeating I have a to do list this summer and he's on it
You were trying to be sexy by spraying your contact solution on your chest and telling me to lick it off
Can we get pizza? This is seriously not a booty call. I just really want someone to get pizza with me.
he's like crack. I can't be in the same room with him while drunk and not do him.
its so awesome dude, its like im a magical unicorn or something
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