Fun fact: tonight on intervention was the guy who did my tattoo
can't wait for January to be Over so I don't have to see all the fat resolutionists working out.
Her facebook status is 'PERCS ON DECKKK~' which is probably why she still lives with her parents.
He waited til after we had sex to tell me he had herpes... Ugh I hate being drunk
i will trade you pizza and a blowjob for a fifth of vodka.
do i get to eat the pizza while you give me the blowjob?
We thought we were getting kicked out but then he started tickling the bouncer. Next thing you know the bouncers giving him a piggy back ride to the bar.
BEHOLD THE MORNING PIGEON
SANCTIFY THE CHALK TADPOLE
THERE IS NO SOBRIETY. ONLY ZUUL.
this is the first time i'm angry at someone with so much boobs. she like managed to break my glass and my phone with one glorious swing
Dude I just saw a beer truck w taps in the side... It's like god heard my prayers and sent me a gift from heaven
Woke up in a bathtub with both of my legs broken. How was your night?
I can't wait to shower all this regret off of me
The man sent me a video of him doing the helicopter, the least I can do is go visit him in the hospital
God bless the petty bitch who invented screen shot
I would like to make it known to all of you that my penis is official retired, but it thanks you for the countless years of service you provided
They have a shelf full of jello shots, what have i gotten myself into
Randomize
