I am puke
What would Jesus do? ... Jesus would slap a ho.
I will fuck a handful of worms if you hold them
i'm in his phone as sushi coochie
the reason why you were crawling on your hands and knees from room to room last night was because you thought the ceiling fans were chasing you...
that makes sense.
Yeah i wasn't gonna go out but then i was like im not gonna get my dick wet stayin at home studying
I gave her a mint afterward. It felt like giving turndown service at Hotel BJ.
oh sorry. I thought "boat" was code for "penis"
Just sucked a bong hit straight from my girlfriends mouth & pretended I was a Dementor. Life just 87% more like HP.
Did you have ill-advised lesbian sex on the deathbed of their relationship?
Of course. Go big or go home.
You're my fucking queen.
Also this is super embarrassing but sorry for licking your chest
apparently i came home last night raving about goats and singing songs from muppet treasure island
I was just thinking about if my bath water turned to jello and got a little freaked out
God does not give you boobs that amazing to not share them with your friends
i'm the most scandalous girl at stop and shop. i kinda have to fuck him in the meat cooler.
Randomize
