Someone took a freaking dump on a roll of toilet paper. Next to the toilet. No shit in the toilet. Just on the roll of toilet paper.
Hey so summary of last night. I threw up in a rain boot then tipped it over on my bed, did my laundry and passed the fuck out. I feel like I didn't see you.
im not 100% but im pretty sure at some point i was rubbing ur bf's beard telling him how magnificient i thought it was
He had a shameless baby voice when he was talking to my dog. There's no way I'm making it through the night with my clothes on.
She bit a glowstick open. Apparently they burn. We bonded while she washed the chemicals out of her mouth as I did double shots of Jager.
I think making out with someone could be the cure to all my problems. That or more cowbell.
I piss off the neighbors just so I can have someone to compete with.
His dick was so bent it was like fucking captain hook's hand for 2 hours
Are we DOING anything for lunch...if sex is involved, let's just be straight forward and stop wasting the first half hour! We just need to get to the point
Why am I a human magnet for the worst dicks of the world?
I am no longer embarassed by my vagina
It concerns why you would be in the first place, but I'd rather not know
Either it didn’t do much damage or I’ve lost all feeling in my asshole
Do plants get herpes?
who is this
Went to waffle house after dropping my sister off at school and got into a heated argument with a drunk/hungover philosophy professor I will not name. I won the argument.
Do you ever just want to be mashed potatoes?
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