I have said "that's the wrong hole" for the last time.
it was only during my walk of shame that i realized i was wearing the exact same outfit that julia roberts wears on the dvd cover or pretty woman. prostitution is my destiny.
my goal is to masturbate without thinking about my exbf.
so just saw tiger woods pull a page out of his wifes book and hit some kid in the head with a golf club
she tried to handfeed me fritos while yelling "PENIS TRAIN"
Well, I found my bra. It's in my glove compartment with a half-eaten Snickers bar and a Jesus bookmark.
He just had a handle of vodka with ice in it yelling at people hot august night mother fuckaaaaa and was pouring it on his face
The spray paint was a bad idea, 'insert penis here' isn't coming off
My penis is saying yes, several less important organs are saying noo...
After we hooked up, his roommate shouted "I LIKE TO HAVE SEX TOO" from across the apartment
Men are too sensitive. They need to learn to handle me.
I'm slowly getting to where I don't hate people anymore.
Never mind. Some random dude just walked past me and asked if I was having fun. I snarled at him. I might still kinda hate people.
If my drunken penis pic is ever to be forgiven id like to start over with all that
after we got done having sex, you rolled over and ask what your yelp review was. So yea I'm kinda mad.
I blame everything on you. My broken heart, my fucked up liver and my twisted mind.
Randomize