Call me so I can make it juicy for ya
She asked me to facebook all the girls I'd hooked up with. She started crying when I started my search with A.
I like to melt taper candles in my wine bottles the next day, it makes my drinking trophies more classy, and makes me look like less of an alcoholic.
Holy mother of cocks. I was grind-with-my-boss drunk last night.
hey you knew what you were in for when i showed up with 2 fifths of Jim. plus i left money to pay for a new sink
THERE WAS A HANDPRINT OF BLOOD ON HIS SHOULDER
Guess who won bingo at the senior center and is going to jail all in the same night?
High school girls are buying me shots. This will not end well.
We bonded over blowjobs and stories of our childhoods. It was beautiful.
How bad is it that I'm banned from all of your family functions due to sleeping w/ both your brother and sister and they both hate me for pursing a relationship with either of them.
I started blowing him in North Dakota, and I finished the job in Minnesota. Oh, the places road head can take you.
So that groomsmen was naked under his kilt. Also I just had sex in the elevator. And yes, those two updates are definitely related.
I think I have a bro crush.. When I imagine him, I imagine him waking up to go take a shower and just finding three bitches making out waiting for him. Like that awesome.
I was so high last night I honestly think my tears were medicinal
it's a shower with the lights off kind of day
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