found a dugout with weed in it in dad's car. decided to top up the weed compartment with salvia. for fun.
everything is bigger in texas. Including my drinking problem.
I showed him my bush... on skype.
This cougar at my work just said "big breasts" referring to poultry... Still resulted in a boner.
My professor just used "labia" and "numchucks" in the same sentence. I am dying.
I just overhead some girl saying that she's trying out for the real world so she has a backup if she doesn't get into teach for america...
plan parent hood is for high school, im at the abortion clinic, so college.
Family of uber douches all wearing ed hardy in a hummer taking up 2 parking spots at starbucks. Please be more cliche
it's like i can feel the ghost of his dick still inside me
I woke up at 3am naked and stroking a watermelon.
Did you ever stop and think that god invented whiskey dick specifically for me
Next time I see you, remind me to tell you how I fell through my attic door and landed on my feet in the garage on the first floor.
Wanna get really high and go on a Valentine's Day Sexathon cause we're both single or would that be weird?
Clothes make me feel like a responsible adult and that's just not something I'm ready to handle.
Do you have any idea how awkward it was to type ‘dog twerking’ into google search? Because I don’t think you do.
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