now i know why they say having sex with her is the equivalent to licking a pay phone
just got drunk at a party with Christmas themed solo cups.. holidays are officially here.
I remember desperately screaming that I love my life and running in zig zags all the way home
Remind me tomorrow that I was taking shots of burnetts in the subway line while placing my order
I'm sorry but that single bed couldn't hold all five of us, especially with those boobs.
I see your smile in the face of every drunk that senses he's about to slay a troll.
The cab driver is now flexing at a red light...
Drunk texting with my high school teacher. This hurricane is bringing out the best in everyone!
I hope our bodies realize that workaholics starts tomorrow and will be well enough to handle the hell we are going to put them through. amen.
I just went through the Wendy's drive thru only wearing a towel. My life has hit an all time low
Well. We had sex and then watched 6 episodes of Dateline NBC together; only breaking the silence to make disapproving noises at shotty police work. So basically yea I'm gonna marry him.
Holy shit, did you actually CHOOSE to get hit by the alcohol truck last night?
I knew it was love when he told me he wants to see me have multiple orgasms in one night
It was great. Except he kept asking me to lick his butthole, I was like firm no
Greattt I just sexted my dad trying to write u back
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