.....so he has a son. Josh. That is not his roommate
At least drunk me was smart enough to stash toilet paper in my bag before I started my walk home. Finally countless squat pees and wiping with grass taught me to be prepared.
i feel like you're just hanging onto the edge of functioning wino.
Just gave some kid head in the library. Perfect way to end the semester.
He was sucking my nipples then stopped, looked me dead in the eyes and said "im gonna cum for my babygirl"
Literally lying on a futon being hand fed bacon
Fuck you.
Hey guy that stepped on my foot, don't slap my ass to apologize.
I woke up to 76 pages of e's, r's, d's, and f's from when I fell asleep for 3 hours on my laptop keyboard trying to write that paper.
HE'S LICKING FROSTING OFF OF THE EIGHTEEN YEAR OLD BOY
He's easy on the eyes, light on his feet, and rough in bed...what more could a girl ask for in a rebound?
This is not 2004 anymore. It's not acceptable to get fingered while watching 'Ferngully' in a basement full of your friends.
You need to stop vomiting in the washing machine, bro. For real this time.
I have never encountered a chode in the wild
i just went to hell in the tanning bed. i think god is giving me a preview of what is in store if i keep getting drunk everyday.
You now have a new job. Call me around 1pm everyday and make sure I've eaten something. All I've had today is dick and cheesecake.
Randomize
