we had a 10 minute conversation with his family about how I don't let him eat me out. I want to go home
Its what jesus would do if there were bud light in his time. I feel obligated.
we were boning in the bathroom when her boyfriend came upstairs. I wish i could remember what happened next more clearly, because it had to have been hilarious
I'd rather say I'm a whore then admit it's his child. Its that bad.
i think i swapped my keys for drugs last night
Only I could run tino my father in law while looking at condoms at Rite Aid. At 730 on a Thursday morning. I'm in trouble.
We are going to need a water proof camera with a flash....exit routes....lots of booze.....and a tutu for good measure
So I got hit in the face with a frying pan. So def wont be at work for first break if I'm there at all
There is a dude in a thong with a Nerf axe having battles in the street. Welcome to Portland
I want to see boobs tonight. Like, real ones. Your ones.
I'm romantic.
Whiskey??
It will be at least another 6 weeks before I say yes again. I'm bruised. I stole sex cards and a really nice pocket knife. I acquired a vial of my own blood. Talk about a yard sale...
You should have thought about how you were going to treat me before having me take photos of your asshole.
He fell backwards into a full bathtub but didn't spill a single drop of the beer in his hand. What a pro.
I just paid my school fees like a real adult who doesn't get accidentally drunk on a Tuesday night
The free coupon that printed out with the purchase of my plan b emergency contraception was for allergy meds. I feel like a coupon for condoms would've been more fitting in this situation.
Oh wait. It's for wart remover. Fitting, afterall.
Randomize
