I like it. Barfy the gin-flavoured Assman
My mom was talking about how protein is essential to strong bones and then I told her, I'll give you protein.
How unfortunate for your Mom.
It says i should accept HIV aids as my friend on facebook.We have 12 friends in common. I need new friends.
After that we used the in-room hotel coffee pot to warm up some queso. it was brilliant
yeah, he just sent me a picture of himself with his shirt off.... It didnt turn me on, it just made me want to buy him a big mac....
despite contrary belief, getting peanut butter off your balls is not as easy as it sounds
the fact that you could barely do more than slur incoherent sentences didn't stop you from correcting her grammar
I had this image of some guy in a taco truck down by the IMA accosting you for a peep show.
Just got shoved by an Elvis impersonator. Evidently it isn't cool to ask how much of a disappointment they are in the eyes of their parents.
Did you just tell me you watch cartoon porn because it's more real?
How'd your Tinder date go?
Well, I met his girlfriend...
I know I'm moving in six days but getting wine drunk and laying in bed just sounds so good right now
There are condoms rolled onto each bunny ear of the ears I was wearing last night
I need more than 2 fuckable people this is an outrage
Jungle juice breakfast? No? Ok.
Randomize
