I regularly think about how cool your nickname is
woke up in a shopping cart using a keystone box as a blanket. how was your night?
Princeton has an emergency contraception worldwide website. It is in moments like these that I love my university
i can hardly tell the difference between falling asleep and passing out anymore
I would say a second date is not looking likely, I acciedentally bit his penis. it's still bleeding 43 minutes later.
Just found a peacock feather in my car. Should I be the least bit concerned about this?
Well this lady at the bar told me I was a natural on the tambourine and that it was my God given talent. and then she gave me a tambourine.
He kissed my hand AND my forehead. I don't think this virginity business is for heartless whores like us.
I had a sex dream. With two guys. And my subconscious decided to put your dick on BOTH OF THEM. If there is a society where that does not mean "I cherish you" I do not want to live there.
they adjusted my tv to black and white ... i thought i drank myself to colorblindness
The sad part is I didn't even want to get laid. I just wanted the emotional connection, but my vagina was screaming "TOUCH ME. TOUCH ME RIGHT NOW BECAUSE MY DADDY ISSUES ARE MUCH DEEPER THAN MY EMOTIONAL NEEDS!" Vodka has a way of getting me out of my emotions and gets me fucked every time.
By far the fardest thing to do drunk is open a band aid
is that a dick in a sweater?
Was it a bad idea to have spent all of my tax return on coke?
This pandemic, it’s making everyone horny. I’ve got dick stashed all over town
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