Ask me how many people I've slept with. Because its changed since I last saw you.
I saw you 20 MINUTES AGO. You need to stop this.
I am at a bar watching a rat tail get braided.
next person that tells me Facebook is a professional tool is getting kicked in the teeth.
why are there post-it notes all around the apartment labeled where you guys had sex and in what position
so far we have 6 big wheels and 10 boxes of wine for the tour de franzia. team drunkslut is favored to win the yellow jersey.
my mom went out and bought me new sheets and redecorated my room. its like she's more excited for me to get laid tomorrow for the first time in two months than I am.
She kept saying how cute and adorable I was. I felt like a care bear getting a blowjob
I know you're on vacation but you should know I just walk of shamed through a hotel lobby while leaving a threesome on Friday the 13th. Fuck superstition, I win.
Just got attacked by a family of raccoons, I have the worst luck.
It's not that he's ugly its just that being blind folded makes everything less awkward
I am lonely and hungry. I need a girlfriend, but I'd settle for my mom.
All I need is $1,500, a beach ready body, a bigger dick & this will be the best spring break ever.
She just started crying. With my dick still inside her. Something about her grandpa.
alright well you definitely hurt his feelings though you told him he looked like he was going to an Amish community prayer meeting..
Is it weird that I shop for lingerie by thinking if it will look good on both me and your floor?
No. Not at all.
Randomize
