I'm so high, I forgot to harvest my farmville crops....noooooooo.
Worst stoner tragedy.
You decided to make a porno with gummy bears and things went downhill from there.
I don't drink so I see St. Patty's as an LSD type of day. Its like a more hardcore 420
Pretty sure the cab driver can even smell the sex coming from between my legs
Though I feel a moral obligation to take you there, point out all of the male supervisors and slap you on the wrist and yell, "NO!!"
All I want is to send a text that says "i slept with someone while wearing nothing but purple argyle socks this weekend." But the only person i would send that to is you. But you already know. Because they were your socks.
After a long night of drunk sexting I have to the ninja roll at the front door to see who showed up.
Don't you judge us. Sockets make ideal bowls
You're the reason why I want to be a better drunk
Had sex in a cemetery last night during a thunderstorm. I feel like my goth points have skyrocketed
Well he has a golden retriever set as his background so there's no way he was filming us having sex
I got to my internship late... with a bag of chipotle and sex hair.
I think we ended 5-7 relationships as well this weekend...so another good stat
I woke up to a huge bag of McDonalds breakfast, a cup of coffe and Advil. The note read "yeah its a one night thing, but I felt bad so here you go. Thanks"
He just set a new unobtainable standard in one night stand etiquette.
You told me not to tell you found out you're pregnant..
Randomize
