The iPad is going to make my porn collection SO much more glossier... thanks steve jobs.
his genitalia just looks like a thumbs up. a really really small thumbs up.
Bruises. Everywhere. Table sex is dangerous
This dude was wearing a "Plan B- One Step" backpack. I wonder how many more I have to buy until I get mine??
its so hard to text. the buttons are tickling my fingers
The strippers from this weekend suck at words with friends
The kid across the hall found me in the hallway using a hot pocket box as a pillow. I said its okay I live here.
Why can't people give useful wedding gifts...like sex swings or Nutella?
These girls just walked into this party as reverse cowgirls... Wearing cowboy clothes all backwards
I said he looked like a lumberjack and that's when he came. I guess he liked the beard compliment?
It's amazing the amount I can accomplish with a glass of wine in my hand.
PS there is a naked boy in my bed and I just left for the bar...
So I might join you on the drunk train on the way to poor decisions.
When he busted out the ketchup I got the hell out of there. It got really creepy really fast.
For a second fuck I think last night went extremely well... our sexual relationship is progressing at a pace that im quite satisfied with.
Randomize
