I may be a little high but I'm pretty sure my alphabet soup has only Os in it
We call that spaghetti Os
would it be inappropriate to describe you with the phrase "bigass titties"?
The walk of shame isn't so shameful when you do it in a stolen, autographed Favre jersey.
im covered in puffy paint and glitter i cant find kevin and im wearing shoes that dont belong to me....come get me please
I just wanna not walk straight. Is that too much to ask for?
I think that's the first time i've seen 'you look like an ugly version of my ex' work as a pickup line
I just need three more girls to complete my 'Freak-a-leak' bang list. Know any girls named Zahra, Shavon, or Daronda?
we're meeting twins and drinking tequila. i love life
I heard that clinking noise from behind me and I already knew you were whipping out a Smirnoff in class. Again.
I didn't notice because vodka
Remember that time I got suspended in eighth grade, well it was like that but I was on acid and wearing goggles
Also, my phone suggested the phrase “puke in the mailbox" how many times have I had the need to text that to people?
Like I'm getting finger banged and my family is making cookies in the kitchen. Talk about terrifying
I am on my way right now and I SWEAR TO GOD IF YOU EAT MY BURRITO YOU WILL NEVER SEE MY TITS AGAIN
I was so close to going to get my nipples pierced with my mom today
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