suddenly SuperBad didn't seem so funny anymore...she did have her period on my leg.
maybe we can find two twins tonight and bang them together and then my life is complete
You kept throwing bottles at the dorm across the courtyard and when anyone told you to stop you just said "who are you? Al Gore?"
Our suitemates are shrooming again. I left a less colorful dress hanging on the door, change before you come in because purple is making Maeve cry.
Is a wave an appropriate goodbye when your one night stand wakes up and walks out towards the door while you are looking through the garbage for the evidence of a condom?
Maybe it's the vicodin, but all I wanna do is hunt wild hogs.
Remember that time i gave you head on MY birthday and you made me stop so you could watch the rhino part in 300
I just pictured my inhibition personified as little pink piggies with wings flying off into the great wide nowhere hahaha
I might have snap chatted him. So here's what I need you to do. Find him. Abduct him. Get his phone. View the chat so he can't. Then, buy him ice cream. He deserves ice cream.
My mother is a bitch. She just outed me to my dad. He wants to meet you by the way...
If you can't beat em, make them send you dick pics so they can't do anything stupid again.
nothing like waking up to a voice mail saying your std test came back negative
Are you going to regret this?
No I do t think so
Ok then he can enter the holy dorm temple.
The prescription the hospital gave me for pain and nausea doubles for my hangovers... Maybe I'll hit up the ER more often
I ate her out and told her she tasted like pumpkin pie. She screamed that she hated pumpkins and started to cry
Randomize
