And now his mom knows I was dipping my pen in company ink
The guy dancing on me has three visible teeth. WHERE ARE YOU?
I read the police report. You asked the cop if you could use his in-car computer to update your facebook. No way you get out of a DUI.
so this guy on craigslist is offering a case of beer to shave his back. i think i'm gonna take him up on it.
I love how kegs are figured into our monthly bills
He's engaged. If the world's smallest penis can find true love than I can too.
she just came into my room, drunkenly shoved six dollars into my bra and told me to spend it on chicken wings.
I have an explanation for how we got this drunk this fast... but you wont like it. We are officially in complete liver failure.
Our idea of a "deep conversation" was successfully forming complete sentences.
How do the freshmen here NOT understand the tricks we are playing on them by now? Doesn't bode well for grad numbers. Idiots.
He's a cat fanatic .. That was not in the fine print when we started fucking
i would stab him if he didn't just tell me he is a priest
He showed up completely drunk with a 30 of PBR and ten cans of Spam. I like this kid.
YOU WAXED MY CAT YOU SICK FUCK
He woke me with blue berry pancakes and a blow job. He's a keeper.
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