this guy showed up at my house asking for his sword and cape. something tells me i shouldn't drink that much again.
I felt like Norm from Cheers walking into the free clinic.
conquered wheelchair sex. it's rather convenient. you'd think it was made for it, with all those handles and adjustable features.
she's crying and begging for her chapstick and insisting on walking home...her every thursday ritual
Gin and redbull in a wine glass. They think I'm keeping my wits with a really yellow Chardonnay. Gonna get ugly after a couple.
Believe me. As soon as the boss man is out the door. I am on my way to wow your vagina with my horse-like attributes.
So the bartender from Applebees totally looks like he would take his clothes off for $40
I like how you possess the gift that turns normal guys into strippers
This is a great bar, except you can't even randomly burst into song without them assuming you're drunk and cutting you off.
IT ISN'T. I'M A LITTLE HIGH.
YOU'RE ALWAYS A LITTLE HIGH.
NO. IT'S RARE THAT I'M A LITTLE HIGH. I'M ALWAYS HIGH AS FUCK. THERE'S A DIFFERENCE.
We just don't discuss our relationships. It's pretty much like we're single no matter what to each other. And I'm okay with that. ¯\\(ツ)/¯
Why is there a chocalet milkshake outside our front door?
Alcohol
Hahaha more like walk of pride. You entered the lions den last night.
How do you make a Facebook status saying how much you fucking hate yourself without being aggressive enough for people to worry about your safety
Cuz that's where I'm at
Im riding the bus with beer in one hand and chapagne in the other. I love weddings.
It was like mission impossible.
but with sex.
Randomize
