Yeah. I hotboxed a windbreaker.
Its where this guy sticks a jar up his ass. Be prepared to be suspended between vomiting and cheering.
I know ur sleeping, sorry for waking you but i just saw a girl with mittens on using her nose to control her ipod touch
I woke up to them arguing over who would get my morning wood. Oh, and I was dressed as Santa.
My own mom unfriended me on Facebook.
I woke up with my left arm looking like it got mauled by a lion. Oo and she said someone broke her car window.
Just realized these events may be related.
judging by the mobile uploads you added of me last night, we cant keep living this way.
My right arm is handcuffed to my leg... Please help.
You dont realize corn stalks will cut until you run from the cops through a corn field.
I rigged together two of my vibrators for more power... I've created a monster.
I can't straight up say the only reason I smoked a couple bowls with you was for your three legged cat
This has to be the weirdest conversation I've ever had sober and in the middle of the day before.
My moms new boyfriend looks like Stu Pickles if he was in a biker gang. He gave me free coke though, so come party?
Ps. I'm slapping the bag. It's an emergency.
So I met one of her cousins last night. She recognized me as "the guy that's always in the liquor store", I may have a problem.
Randomize
