Raise your hand if you bought 2 annoying girls shots of water. CLOWNS.
I was in a gas station that sold tazers and I just saw a billboard that said "Strippers, need we say more?" God I love Georgia!
whats a more ladylike way to say "fuck me on your lunch break"?
Do you ever make guys send you dick pictures just cause it's hilarious?
When you wake up in your dorm right outside your room with the key in the door, then you will understand my pain.
i swear to god. if they dont have practically DTF written on their foreheads, or a glowstick in their hands, strictly no entry.
I feel like I need to get a restraining order against him but I'd probably be the one to break it.
I blacked out after you got about 8 goldfish out of the tank and put them in your pockets. We're not allowed back. It was a sucky Walmart anyway...
Plan: drunk dancing. Reality: drunk almost getting in fights with people that could beat me into the ground.
My mom is lecturing me about 'invaluable housekeeping skills' while I google 'cocktails involving gin' on my phone. I can feel the generational gap looming in her silent judgment of my choices.
i'm about to be the still-drunkest person on the ellipticals
She was trying to drink out of the beer bong and she thought it didn't work. Little did she know there was no beer in there. Then she got mad at us. Girls.
To be honest I've become too lazy for the work involved in getting laid.
You run marathons and you're too lazy for sex? Priorities, man.
Touche.
Now that I'm sober, I'm realizing you put your name in my phone as "wowww"
Oh man
I hooked up with the lead singer of the band at the wedding. I am so hungover.
Randomize
