we better have passed that bar exam - i dont want to have to drink like this again
When you come back do you think I could print anorexic pictures of Mary-Kate?
He was sitting on the bathroom floor, swirling his finger in the toilet singing the Laguna Beach theme song. I don't know whether to laugh or help him.
I had a dream she was puking on me, but sadly in real life she was puking on me too
I had him autograph the condom wrapper.
Question: trumpet bong. Can it work.
When you and Blake get an apartment I want you to buy this Costco couch I'm currently passing out on.
you were drunkenly making out with a 20-something in front of your wife. at least the guy your wife left with was decent looking.
Dude, just found out there's a monster in a video game named after me. No more dating nerds.
So heartbroken my rebound has a rebound
Go tell your boss to go fuck himself because you have beer and doritos and zombies waiting on you
So I had sex with a hook nosed, lisping masadonian last night.
Glad that degree in literature is paying off. Nice adjectives. Maybe set the bar a little higher though?
my new game is to try to use the phrase "explosion in your mouth". as much as possible on tinder.
Also- should we send out holiday cards? That say, "Eat a dick, 2014"?
for not the first time in my life, my clothes are covered in piss and i'm standing in line waiting to buy pedialyte at a convenience store
Randomize
