I know you are passed out now but when you wake up in the morning your keys are in the freezer and your probly gunna want to apologize to your gf...
I think I'm going to start texting all the people that don't want to talk to me
i love how i spend my mornings exploring my phone to see what i did last night.
He tricked me...the first song on his sex mix was trey songz but the rest were techno....i can't walk straight now
Can you pinpoint the moment you decided it was acceptable to trade blow jobs for beers or was it a gradual slide?
No more cocaine. I spent two hours in my bathroom convincing myself I was ugly. Is this what a period feels like?
You're the worst gay friend ever.
I want someone to sweep me off my feet and you want someone to fuck you on the kitchen table. They're both perfectly logical needs.
I borrowed a glass of wine. And the bottle. Your cat said it was ok
Can you please come and collect your boss off of my kitchen floor.
This girl looks like an elf and is obviously on coke. I want to be her.
I'll have to text you later. Trying to have civilized conversations with the boyfriends parents when I'm 100% aware I just blew their son in the bathroom 5 mins ago. Stay tuned.
Finals week game: One shot for every psychological trauma I've been through that I have to explain in detail. Man I hate my major sometimes.
I can no longer play with you. I puked on my feet in the shower. I'm too old for this.
sex on a roof was cool and all but that superhero argument was the best part of the night hands down
I just had drunken sex with an eagle scout behind the boy scouts of america building. what has my life come to?!
Randomize
