thus making me awesome and them whores
if my vagina gave out awards, he should be preparing acceptance speaches for the oscar, the heisman and the nobel peace prize.
Balcony sex scratched the shit out of my phone. Whups.
At one point last night I over heard you say " I'm gonna puke in a bag and pour it down your throat" I LOVE YOU.
they need to invent a card that reads "thanks for all those boners you gave me that you did NOTHING about"
I want to lick his teeth again. Is that a creepy thing to say?
it's almost 8pm and i'm still hungover. at what point do i alert someone?
We have such limited time together he literally sends me text messages that are like "I sent my roommates on an impossible quest, we have 15 minutes." it's that bad.
I tried to pay my tab and go home but she wrote me a "list of things I'm good at" with fellatio as no 1...
Kellie accidentally ran into the car with two teenagers making out. made a big thud. there was a loud scream and she was gone...haven't seen her since
It's a lube slip n slide down the hallway now. Details later.
I feel like a bottle of fireball rented a bull dozer and ran me over until I was left without a shred of my dignity
Found a trail of Taco Bell hot sauce packets through the garage to our back door and cheese in my bra. I'll say it was a successful Sunday Funday.
Riddle me this: How does one check in at the Marriott, but wake up at the W?
And thanks for putting me in that safety position on the bathroom floor while I was spooning the toilet
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