Funny, my mom didn't get it when I said 'that's what she said' after she said 'it's so thick, it's impossible' in reference to my milkshake
So how was last night?
Let's just say I danced with the devil
Huh?
I'm going to Hell for sure
she was so "full of love" from watching twilight that she came over and gave me a handjob. when does the next movie come out?
dude totally just got the jungle juice out of my white top. i am really ready to be a trophy wife.
I puked in the revolving door and had to sit down on the escalator. That hungover. It's safe to say people are judging me.
It's one of the many facets of my drunken alter egos. I'm like substance abuse batman.
the thing I didn't realize I would miss about college is that at home you can't just dismiss your sex bruises as drunk accidents
I wonder what acid is like for a blind person... Can we find this out?
Highlight of my night: you taking that shot of garlic butter and then throwing the empty container down on the stairs and saying FUCK.
I wouldn't even cut tickets or put ppl in jail I'd just hand out punches to the mouth and Liam Neeson throat chops
I'm in my bed. Snow angles in fresh sheets. don't even try to get me out tonight.
It reeks of weed and poor life decisions in here
Dude... the time we have in life to be young and trivial is so incredibly short. I think we should drink tonight.
Just packed a snack to eat on the way to McDonald's. That stoned.
Your parents are gone and we haven't fucked in their bed... why?
Randomize
