I just did something awful... i just had to tell someone... i just used my brothers electric face cleaner as a vibrator
There's a vagina buried somewhere in there.
Talking to this girl is like playing minesweeper on hard. There's red flags everywhere.
I just gave some chick my debit card to put in the jukebox. She better put out.
when i woke up this morning i blew my nose and ash came out.. i'm not sure what to make of this.
yo everyone went to the hospital last night
My mom and I were trying to explain to my sister what an uncircumcised penis looks like. We had some minor disagreements.
Just tried to chase Captain Morgan with water...this whole drinking alone business is getting harder to do.
On my way back to his place to see his "art". Why am I sure this is going to be nothing more than his dick in a box?
I can't tell if I'm hungover or if my cat just knocked the lamp on my face
This is what we get for YOLOing our way to obesity
no, she just came home, mumbled about being a gerbil out of water then ate half cooked chicken nuggets.. normal night
It's amazing the amount I can accomplish with a glass of wine in my hand.
I gargles a mimosa for breakfast. It's gonna be a killer Monday.
In case you were wondering I realized something last night, Rick James was correct. Cocaine is a hell of a drug.
Randomize
