she claims you yelled BOMBS AWAY when you came. tell me she's lying
but she didn't tell you i squeezed, built up pressure, and napalmed her face as i yelled it, did she
i felt like the dude nobody likes from the mikes hard lemonade commercial
when she was 9 she got kicked out of our 4-H camp dance for pole dancing on the spirit stick
You were doing karaoke. Then you screamed "SHOUTOUT TO ADAM LAMBERT" and started making out with the very surprised looking guy next to you.
Also, my drunkenly packed sleepover kit consisted of a singular sock, my uncharged laptop, and a pack of post-it notes.
I'm hiding her cosmo magazine. the only sex tip she needs is to not handcuff her boyfriend to her roommates bed and lose the key
I was in the library and saw 2 dudes hackysacking in a study room with 3 girls working. I asked if I could join; as soon as I closed the door the chicks offered me tequila shots. study session w/everyone cancelled, I'm busy.
my parents decided to start a new christmas tradition. we will now be drinking champagne while opening presents, and we each get our own bottle
It's fine...I've done worse things to better people.
I think this girl gave me a handjob thinking that I would help her with her cell phone bill
omg. that's awesome
today is just not my day... it could be raining penises and I would get hit in the face by a vag
he fed me chocolate as I gave him a handjob. I felt like a princess.
He puked in the voicemail. That's a true friend right there.
So you're on like a list there now..."Do not under any circumstances give this person a knife. Serve them in plastic cups ONLY"
You owe me a one night stand and a line. Possible an inflatable flamingo as well. And a caesar salad.
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