I just masturbated at work. Does that make me a prostitute since i just technically got paid to have sex?
We're going on a mission for new porn. And ice cream.
Dude, she's just using you for your money, and Cavs tickets.
Honestly, what else do I have going for me?
You make a valid point.
besides im still about 80% sure that im eskimo brothers with jerry springer
I remember three things: you falling down an entire flight of stairs, me stripping out of your Christmas one-sie to do cartwheels in my underwear, and people standing above me saying, "where did that bump on her head come from?"
Also, I was told I kept the antlers on the entire time. I'm deeming last night a success.
Oh my God, that is a gorgeous man. And I wasn't even gay until five minutes ago.
It summer and it's getting a lot harder to hide sex bruises from my parents.
First world problems?
You paid a stripper $40 to choke me out last night.
idk. a stripper just bit me. I'm so disoriented
Sorry was covered in semen when you texted me. Just walking back from the Harvard Club
All you needed to say was one of those sentences and the other would've been implied.
I ate shrooms on a frozen river in an ice fishing shack after a day of vics and beer and walked around on the river in a stupor. They made me bite the head off of a fish.
I just took a service station dump so foul I had to buy gas out of guilt
Is that your mom climbing in your window dude
How does the curb feel today?
It's stronger than my elbow. But I found my lighter while I was down there.
no no no no you can't just say your dirtiest secret is "i sat on goldfish by accident once" and just leave i have QUESTIONS
AT LEAST TELL ME IF THE GOLDFISH WAS STILL IN A BOWL??????????????
Randomize
