I just woke up in the back of his van. Bring me a sunkist.
Dan just whipped out his wang to piss in a milk jug! Hello weekend.
SOME GIRL GOT MAGGOTS IN HER COOCH FROM EXPERIMENTING WITH MAYO!
I have been standing totally still for the past 6 minutes because I was convinced my foot was tied to the ground. It turns out it was a string of hair strewn across my foot
Ate pizza for the 3rd time today, can't decide if that's disgusting or an amazing aspect of American culture.
I'm sorry you missed class, the topic today is copy and paste. I'm not even kidding.
She's making tacos & sangria tonight. I'm sure that's how the pilgrims pregamed.
I will also be strapping forties to the puppies.
Just made nicotine water. Ithink i'm having a heart attack.
I wonder what it's like for my roommate to live bicuriously thro my sex life
Sex-sore abs and my workout pants have gravel stains on the knees. It's like the workout of shame.
So what are you going to be for halloween?
A woman sitting on her couch watching Hocus Pocus.
Why even have a ground level apt if you're not gonna let me climb out the window? I hate walk of shaming in front of toddlers...
the second she challenged me to mario kart drinking game i knew i was in love
It was the scariest thing ever having a flame that close to my balls...
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