I'm at breakfast still drunk holding a blow up parrot
Def slept AT the bar last night, wow that's a first!
She looks makes a Zellweger face when she cums, she's keeps asking why I call her renee
I need a leash, or some shame. Maybe.
If you value my life, if you value your own, please look for that godforsaken cookie. Please.
i admit it was a weird experience, but why regret what once made you cum
You know you're at a low point when you're sucking vodka out if your hair.
Woke her up in the middle of the night with the smell from a fart. So proud of my colon.
I think we have it figured out.. She's my wife when she's here and gives me advise on how to get ass when she's 1500 miles away.
I may watch porn and eat a baked potato covered in chili in bed
My mom just came upstairs handed me an Adderall and asked if I could help her wash the ceilings
I'm trying to secure Christmas dick. Idgaf if he has strep or not.
Don't drag this out. All I need to know is if I have to put pants on or not.
Scary. I hope people take me seriously. Maybe I should black out less to be sure
He made a group chat with him, his wife, & I. Is this really life!??
Randomize
