Just saw a car with license plate GYPSYS that was full of gypsies
I feel like a panda just shit rainbows on my mind
He told me to fart on his lap because the vibrations turned him on
his penis was like watching paranormal activity your very hyped up to see it but you think it might be very scary and in the end you didnt really see anything at all
even if everyone didnt know them screaming eskimo brothers and high fiveing over my head kinda gave it away
Apparently we had sex last night, and then I made him drive me to the beach so I could puke in the ocean.
the spit in my mouth is still 99% not mine.
Our halfway to Halloween party needs to never happen again. There were waaayy too many wasted cartoon characters passed out in my living room this morning...
I have a theory he's part Neanderthal
I FINALLY HAVE A REASON TO DYE MY PUBES BLUE!!!
I'm getting a collar when he gets back in to town! That's like the bdsm equivalent of getting his class ring!
I feel like your personal Bdsm barbie...
If you're not my stylist, having sex with me, or agreeing to have sex with me don't fucking touch my hair.
If my vagina was a person it would have a bandage around its head and it's arm in a sling rn
I just ordered a five person drink for myself.... Right about now you should start saving me from myself....
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