Fyi I let myself into your place, I'm wearing some of your clothes in your bed. Come take them off
it's just weird having a massive boner in the morning when you could have used it the night before.
omg i forgot michael madsen was in free willy this is the most epic movement of my stoned life
Smoking bowl and applying to community college. I now know how I got here.
Just gave my manager part of my viccodin stash-my job is basically secured forever.
it's only monday and im already failing all my classes. i give up. tequila tuesday is my only friend.
Just served breakfast to a bunch of hella drunk kids. They kidnapped the birthday boy for his 21st and he was wearing a disney onesy and bunny ears. They've been drinking since before dawn, why don't we have friends like that?
Just woke up from a weed coma and found a stem in my bra. Rainy day success.
So much for doing Irish car bombs in my grandpa's memory.... Asshole.
Try explaining "the nature of your relationship" to a cop when your fuck buddy vandalized your car. Priceless.
You know what would make the espn body photos even better? If anyone knew who any of those fucking athletes were. That, and maybe not feature Gary Player.
Sext: Bring me pancakes from the midnight breakfast gathering please
You fell asleep on the toilet and he was like uh should I take her off?
He asked me the next morning if he fell asleep inside of me. Drunk is an understatement.
Whenever you have to pee or whatever I'll be over here to harass you
Randomize
