Sponge bath it is.
Just incase you were wondering, the count of ladies who have perioded on chairs at our fine restaurant is now at 3.
We drove past his house blaring "Like a virgin" in the middle of the day. pretty sure he heard.
Having a pigeon watch you poop is just creepy. Drunk or not.
some guy i've known for a week sent me nudes saying "you're welcome" i need an award for this birthday
She told me my dick looked like a baby seal wrapped in a sleeping bag.
Hey please buy toilet paper today. Plastic grocery bags are starting to hurt now
It's a never ending cycle of men I've fucked knowing other men I've fucked. I need a new town.
My gyno overestimated by 3 TIMES the amount of sex we have per week. First of all, he must think I'm a freak. Secondly, I think we should catch up.
I have a high opinion of you, you smash bitches. Respect.
We met some guy at the beach, and dug a hole with him. He invited us to "come back at night and smoke a blunt in this hole"
I'll only sleep there if we can bone on your balcony.
I found an industrial strength sharpie in the drawer so I started writing BONER JAM 2014 on everyone's foreheads so they kicked me out
if wiping your ass w an envelope isnt the definition of hitting "financial rock bottom " then nothing is!
she just kept straddling the railing to the stairs and shouting "come on Seabiscuit, lets win this for America."
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