It was the single greastest thing to happen to my dick ever
I woke up to 'call me' written in red lipstick on my chest. Thats the hottest/sluttiest thing ever. I win at LIFE!
I have one brief flash of having his dick in my hand. that's all I remember.
my family just sang happy birthday to baby jesus. no ones even drunk yet
I swear he shrunk like 2 inches. Remind me that drunk sex needs to remain drunk sex.
I was going through my paperwork and I found the lifetime warranty card for my 14" dildo. I saved it. You know, just in case.
Delete her number from his phone. He keeps slurring how he's going to get her "all sorts of pregnant".
I'm not sure what happened last night but I woke up next to him and I was wearing nothing but my grandpa's diabetic socks, so I'm letting that fill in the blanks.
I shit you not ... they just advertised a recruiting service for strippers at this concert.
I don't know what happened this summer, I've lost my sense of morality. All I do now is work, get drunk, and have sex near national landmarks.
You asked for his ID and then said "I am like a bouncer but for my vagina."
Okay, so when I go to meet your grandma, let's do a quick cum check to we don't have another "what's that on your face?" situation.
I've got a surprise in the fridge when you get back.
Is it a puppy?
We peed on a building I think...like a building in downtown...not out of view of anyone.
just went home with a guy that made fun of me in elementary school. this blow job is not going well for him.
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