I woke up this morning naked, with a to-go box from Qdoba, an entire meal completely untouched. I have been piecing together my night to find some answers. I feel like Nancy Drew.
so I woke up this morning and on their fridge, the first item on the shopping list was my virginity.
Just grabbed my laptop and a beer to take a shit. Mom gave me a look of disgust. I miss college.
Dancing naked to Celine dion - im alive. No better way to start the day
My eyes feel like they're throwing up and I am the only human on campus
That was the apt with beer in the juice and the floor caving in. Don't go.
And I'm still awake, and you left me. Like the guy on Jurassic Park, that jumped out of the car expecting me to save myself while there is a man eating T-rex ready to tear my ass apart except theres a mathematician and paleontologist there to save me because they are bad asses.
Breakfast of champions
Is that a dick crepe?
It is indeed
T minus 20 hours until we forget our names, find some city cowboys, and g&t into the night.
I flashed the bar tender last night. Apparently I wanted a whiskey to go and that was the golden ticket. This is why I never come home
I don't think I've ever met a guy with a bush bad enough that I would choose a cactus over it.
You asked for his ID and then said "I am like a bouncer but for my vagina."
Stop it with the monkey emojis. It's like sexting with Curious George
I just got back like 5 minutes ago, I have two champagne bottles that I carried with me on the train home and a Dunkin donuts coffee cup full of stolen butter, I've been in a windowless room for the last 6 hours, time does not exist
what is your life
Free champagne that's what
I'm hosting my annual valentine's day party tomorrow with every hookup I've ever had. thoughts on how it will turn out ??
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