FB needs to have a relationship status called...screwing my roommates bf..linking their names would be an easier to tell her!
That can be our thanksgiving, vodka and cornbread. Just like the pilgrims.
he would probably call me "ma'am" when he's inside me. people love saying weird shit inside me.
It seems like every guy I've hooked up with all end up hanging out together, its like a cult.
I'd like to be surprised that there's a picture of someone pouring champagne in my boobs on Instagram, but I can't.
She needs sedatives and a leash
I just figured out how I'm going to tie you to my bed. Hint: I may have to go to the auto parts store before you get here.
It's nice out. . But after I almost put a bag of chips in the microwave to make nachos. ..I figured it best to not venture too far from the couch
I had to ask him for a dick pic. Do you know how refreshing that was?
Can you have a quarter life crisis another time? I'm trying to masterbate.
Rum and your dick are involved. You're relying on the unreliable narrator.
Would it be inappropriate to meet you at the airport after your family vacation so I can tell you all about the amazing sex I have been having?
We’ve discussed sex and dinner. Like chicken nuggets while doing it doggie and watching tv.
He told me he would make me come so hard I would throw up. I'm actually horrified that he thinks that's something any person would want
All i want from a relationship is to get drunk watch pirates of the Caribbean and have sex
Randomize
