Is your liver wearing a sombrero yet?
No...more like a life jacket.
Just had to explain to the nurse WHERE I have poison ivy. Great Day
she went to her friend's wedding and caught the bouquet. as the unwilling rebound, can i run away now?
Just quiet vomiting, and in between heaves she mumbled "be the pro"
A guy wearing a hard hat while floating the river. It's the most responsible drinking we saw all day.
IM PICKING UP BLOW FOR US STOP WHINING ABOUT SEX
You just kept screaming at everyone 'not to break your scarf' and doing somersaults
You will never know an awkward moment until your parents pick you up from a one night stand.
Getting drunk and throwing things at people isnt the same with you not here. Remember when you dislocated my elbow and then popped it back in in one motion?
Saw a girl on a walk of shame bend down and look in a pizza box by a trash can to see if there was still a slice left. That's when you know
I spent most of the stoned conversation with my dad proving to him that the Newfoundland is an actual dog and NOT a Snuffaluffagus-esque figment of my stoned imagination, while laughing over the fact there is actually a place caller Dildo, Canada. Have YOU taken time to be a good dad today?
You know I've done a lot of messed up stuff. But I never thought I would have to put a bandaid on my dick. Yet here we are.
Happy hour crawl turned into power happy hour turned into tequila shots turned into I'm drunk in class on Cinco de Mayo at 7 am.
Honestly it was like 3 AM and I only agreed to go to the strip club because I wanted chicken tenders
Abby there's no shame in reading porn. It takes more work than watching I suppose
Randomize
