Princeton has an emergency contraception worldwide website. It is in moments like these that I love my university
remember when mike pissed in his pants and then put a double cheeburger in the pocketsss of said wet pants for "safe keeping"? yea drunker then that.
just broke no shave november. hello backed up drain december.
She compared sex to doing dishes."You scrub them until they're wet."
Literally been drinking for 10 hours. Hammered. Roasted chestnuts fell out of my shirt earlier.
Well, there goes the no drunk sex injuries resolution.
Well I'm just gonna sit here naked in this chair and whatever happens happens
He just invited me over to bang on a sunday afternoon. If I can make it top the time I went to a strip club on fathers day then I'll consider it a success.
Drunk you assumed that me saying I thought squirrels were cute meant for you to trap one in my car by luring it in with ham. You're going to hell for this.
I had a dream that my roommate walked in on me masturbating and I hissed "I'm not stopping this orgasm train for the likes of you" and just kept going
Nothing says "single girl" quite like Pinot Grigio and canned ravioli at 11:30 pm....
Swear on my life the dude next to us just ordered a pizza and I will fight to the death for a slice
I'M SO HIGH I FORGOT HOW TO EAT A STRAWBERRY. A FUCKING STRAWBERRY.
i woke up this morning from the best one night stand. i made the guy mickey mouse pancakes for breakfast and when i walked back into the bedroom he said "marry me"
New one isn't as good asmy ex. She won't put her tongue up my butt
Peter this is your "ex"
I stand by what i said
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