Did you see the soccer ref give that girl the red card as she was being kicked out of the party?
Oscar is the man. He keeps getting pictures of hot nude women with messages in spanish saying "i hope you like it" sent to his phone
whose oscar?
the baller who i guess decided to give out a fake number at the bar last weekend. luckily that fake number was mine. i have enough porn to last me until next month.
today is my dealer's birthday. i dont know whether to give him the day off or call him saying happy birthday ill take a quarter please
ok so I'm texting you now like I promised instead of drunktexting aaron and telling him how badly I want his cock tonight. aren't you proud?
this is Aaron, hi
I think I just need to get a pillow shaped like a toilet seat.
I just wanted to clarify that I am not bisexual and had no intentions of ACTUALLY penetrating my roommate with a can of bugspray.
I wish I could rewind to my 8th birthday instead. I wanna wake up, eat as much cake as I want, and have a Transformers birthday party without someone judging me.
This theraflu would make for a great margarita.
I can make a sudafedarita
Im pretty sure by the fifth subway ride after going in circles the four times prior, we all just accepted that we werent making the concert and should instead enjoy our magical weed and tequila laced journey.
Try eating a sub blackout with your uncle. It's not easy ok
Nothing like the judgmental looks you get in the bathroom when you still have last night's glowsticks on
I just called my boyfriend "Dad"... Awkward
Is it bad that I tried to build an outfit based around "What do people who use condoms look like when they buy condoms?"
My butthole probably tastes like a Cinnabon right now
Dude, I got drunk and sexted his little sister by accident
Randomize
