My life has hit rock bottom, I'm watching a movie on lifetime about retarded people falling in love. And I'm jealous of their relationship.
that's why i date skinny girls, they don't realize how small it is.
good luck with ur interview. Just show them your confidence and don't make that sucking snot noise. Really don't. Praying for you, love mom
He burst into tears while I was blowing him. NEVER giving a bj for a graduation present again.
Dnt forget 40 tuesday,dress nice! Like job interview nice, like funeral nice, like a couple muhfuckas sittin on their lawn drinkin forties on a tuesday nice!
I opened my eyes this morning, looked at the sunlight and made this hangover my bitch.
An don't say it's "personal preference" cause I don't buy it. I just want to have normal cool guy balls. I don't want to be the dude that's still rocking the equivalent of the "mid 90's bowl cut" of scrotum haircuts.
Note to self... Do not stick your head in a can of paint and try to paint the walls green with your hair
I blame it on the rum. It keeps jumpng doqn my throst.
A gay dude just spanked me with a nicholas sparks novel and called me foxy. I'm putting this on my resume.
Life without a bra equals bliss.
Dude I bought a 300 dollar buffalo painting. I'm no longer allowed to take shrooms.
This is seriously fucking awkward. My favorite sex scene just started and my dad's still here. He offered me Cheetos.
i just has to use a gift card to Target that one of my students parents got me to buy Plan B bc my bank account is -$0.08 so my 2017 is starting exactly how i pictured.
DIBS on your mom for my beer pong partner.
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