this guy showed up at my house asking for his sword and cape. something tells me i shouldn't drink that much again.
Someone just told me I have an ass that could kill small children .... Don't know how to take that one
It was like an alcohol war zone and you left a soldier behind.
I hope they realize that to me "collecting their mail" is synonymous with "fucking in every room in their house, and twice in the party shower."
Dude, I think shitting blood should be a cause for concern not celebration that you had a great night.
your ability to divide cases of beer among any given group of people equally was missed.
Just to be a PITA after I die, my will leaves 1 cent to each of my FB friends. I hate my lawyer.
just really comprehended the fact that I'm getting high at the same place I used to play as a child. the nostalgia and thc is mixing together in one, intense wave. WHO HAVE I BECOME
I just had some kinky fun in the back seat of my car behind a Ralph's in south county. How's your thanksgiving eve?
You know you're doing well in life when weed is considered to improve your job performance
At the funeral we'll say nice things, like "She was delightfully extreme, psychotically wonderful, and could probably drink all you fuckers under the table."
That's literally the perfect eulogy
Hey, it's not my fault that you had a shitty bed frame that couldn't handle the rough sex you're into.
I was basically just fingering myself and thinking about space.
Whoever said it shouldn't take a man to make you happy clearly wasn't having sex everyday.
God, I missed his penis.
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