I just realized i haven't had sex in 2009. oh man thats embarrassing.
Your vagain smells worse when im sober.
sorry, worng number
I hate the Packers so much, I wouldn't cheer for them if they were playing al Qaeda.
I made an oral joke and he laughed... That's when I realized I wasn't Daddy's Little Girl anymore.
He'll choke me during sex but he won't eat a strip of bacon. Vegetarians are weird.
My shoe was in my mailbox this morning. I can't stay sober today.
I woke up with a black eye, bruised knuckles, wearing women's clothing, in a house I did not recognize, next to a solid 9. Thank you for making 21 special.
The only thing I remember from last night is being naked in his bed if that's not summer drinking at it's finest then I don't wanna live anymore
You know I ate twenty hot dogs in an hour once.
I am honestly so surprised you are a lesbian.
Dear God, please let me get my period. And if this one is fiercer than usual I completely understand.
There they were doing the deed on the beach, looked like two seagulls fighting over a chicken bone.
My 1st STD. I feel like there should be a cake for this.
I refuse to go to a doctor for a sex injury, not when I've come so far already
The house across the street caught on fire today, Drunk people high centered their car tonight. Looking out my front window I get to watch police chases all the time. I am going to miss this place.
my favorite sex position is the one where no sex actually happens we just get really stoned and eat a lot and watch netflix in the dark
Randomize
