...So a 6 ft tall drag queen in heels I would kill for just told me I have a dunkable ass. I'm confused...but I'll take any compliment I can.
Walk of Shame. In a state park.
Listen: if you or anyone else at work finds a starfish in a bowl, just leave it. It'll be gone by next week.
Better yet, if you find it can you put it in the mini-fridge in your office for safe keeping? Spanks.
And if it's going to get me in trouble, maybe just don't mention that I know anything about it.
I like the one of me you and her but you're looking at me...Total foreshadowing right there. I'm cropping it
U asked everyone for their hoodies so u could "safely hug the cactus"
im not even sure if i fucked her just woke up in her closet.
Welp I just blew a load probably the size of a small pond if not a lake
Who the fuck is this
It's nights like those I refer to my life motto: You can't be just friends with someone after you've seen their genitals.
I cried singing "call me maybe" on the way home from the bar. What the fuck
That girl from the bar sent me a text saying that she wants to wear my cock as a hat. A cock hat. Is that good or bad?
I just want you to know that I am dancing around my apartment by myself singing Taylor Swift into a wine bottle. Do hurry.
I will be there. invited or not. I go where the pancakes go.
Let us rub each other in fish scales and become mermaids
Yeah like stabbing myself through the eye with a coffee stir and bleeding out all over the office rug
Last 4 google searches: class c felony, scary ghosts, peanut butter jelly time, Lindsey lohans vagina
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